(Closed) Need advice.. Bridesmaid dilemma

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’m of the opinion that actions speak louder than words. I’m glad she apologized for her behavior, but that doesn’t excuse how she has been treating you and everyone around her. Frankly, she doesn’t sound like much of a friend to begin with — would you feel comfortable knowing that asking her to step down while she figures out her own life could end whatever relationship you have left?

You might be doing her a favor by asking her to still attend but not participate. She obviously needs your support, but giving help at the expense of your own sanity/wedding/happiness is not part of a healthy friendship.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. A person who bashes you behind your back is not any kind of friend I’d want, and if she’s lashing out because of her own issues, she needs to focus on herself right now. 

Post # 4
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you remove her from the bridal party, you will pretty much be removing her from your life.

Considering how she has treated you, perhaps this is an option at this point.  If not, then just have a heart to heart… about the friendship, don’t bring the wedding up at all.

Post # 6
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Wow, I’m sorry, that sounds terrible! My best friend had a somewhat similar situation however, it was her Future Sister-In-Law that decided to act up. I hadn’t been asked originally to be in the wedding (which had kind of hurt my feelings) and then when things got bad enough, my best friend asked me to take her FSIL’s place. Unfortunately, because the girl was going to be her family, she ended up just dealing with the drama and the Future Sister-In-Law was in the wedding too. After that, she tried to tell me that I couldn’t be in the wedding, which started a big fight between us. Looking back, she was trying to please everyone too and I realized that I should have backed down and made things easier.

Personally, I’ve learned that toxic friendships don’t benefit anyone. I agree that actions speak louder than words and even though she’s apologized, she hasn’t changed her actions very much. Could you sit her down and tell her that you feel she needs to focus on herself and it might be better if she wasn’t involved in the wedding but you’d like her to come? And if she treats you like this constantly, especially when you need her the most, is that a friendship that you want to keep? Do you think she might be feeling jealous and acting out because she feels like your life is more on track than hers? Women have a tendency to create drama when they don’t know how else to deal with their emotions. Maybe a balanced response from you would help neutralize the situation. Tell her you feel for her while also getting rid of the drama within the wedding party. I hope this helps! 

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