Post # 1
One of my bridesmaids dropped out of the wedding =( She messaged me on Facebook to tell me that she was really sorry but she couldn’t afford the plane ticket and hotel room. She said that when she agreed she was only thinking of being in the wedding and how exciting it was that I was getting married, but didn’t realize the financial part of it.
I messaged her back almost immediately (from work, mind you) and said that I had no problem paying for half of her airfare and that there was plenty of room to stay at my parents house. I also said that I wasn’t mad at her (which I’m not) and that it was okay if she still didn’t think she could make it. That was Monday morning, and I still have not gotten a reply. What hurts the most is that she has been on Facebook, and it says that she read the message =/…
Do you think that she just wants other summer plans, or just doesn’t want to be in the wedding anymore? Have you had a bridesmaid “drop out”? What did you do?
EDIT: I forgot to add that in this same message she mentioned that she just decided she wanted to visit family in Europe this summer and couldn’t afford both. I announced our wedding date 6 months ago =/
Post # 3
I hate that facebook rats you out these days. Most of the time, I reply to things right away, but there are some things I sit on for a few days to make sure I approach it correctly, and facebook tells on me. I would give her a few more days before assuming anything, she may be weighing her options.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club
I had a bridesmaid drop out for financial reasons, and I thought it was because she just didn’t like me any more. I talked to her, and she didn’t feel comfortable with me buying the dress (which I offered), but that she loved me and wanted to support me at the wedding as a guest instead of as a bridesmaid. I’m sorry that your Bridesmaid or Best Man dropped out, but it’s probably the same situation.
btw, my Bridesmaid or Best Man did the same thing… where I saw she read the message and she didn’t respond until I texted her saying I messaged her on FB and asking if she got it.
Post # 5
@echristine: I’m sorry that this happened and that she’s disappointed you.
It’s hard to say. On one hand it could be that she really is strapped for cash or didn’t plan ahead and it’s the dress, vacation time, flight, hotel, and travel expenses and that she’s embarrassed and avoiding you. On the other, it could be that this is an excuse, because, well… hotels alone aren’t that much, but plane tickets are another thing.
I’m sorry that she didn’t call you, that shouldn’t have been a conversation to have via a message. If you feel comfortable doing so given the circumstances, maybe you could call her.
The positive to take away from this is that if she has decided she doesn’t want to be in the wedding, at least she was considerate enough to drop out now, rather than attending and possibly being in a bad mood. But just remember that how she is choosing to act isn’t a reflection on you, but on her.
If you feel comfortable asking another good friend or family member and they wouldn’t be rushed, then go for it. If not, no one will judge or remember if there are more groomsmen than bridesmaids.
Post # 6
I’m of the old school and believe important conversations, such as this one, should not be had over FB. Our society has become so impersonal and leads to a lot of hurt feelings.
Post # 7
I say give her a few more days. You offer is very generous – but some people still dn’t feel right accepting an offer like that. She might just be thinking about how to respond. I hate that the conversation is done on facebook – but, thats how things are done these days. Don’t think too much into it.
Post # 8
@echristine: as sweet as it is to offer, you have to consider 1) that she still can’t afford it and 2) that she probably doesn’t want to stay with anyone’s mom. /-: It was a very sweet gesture. She’s probably just wondering how to tell you no again.
Post # 9
I agree. I understand that I teach all day and that she is a full time student in another state as me, but she could have messaged me just to set a time to call me… Facebook and messaging is not my preferred method of communication.
Post # 10
I hate that it was done on Facebook, too.
Post # 11
Thank you for your input. That might be the case, however, we are Greek and consider ourselves cousins, so I doubt she has a problem staying with anyone in my family. I am sure you are right that she is waiting to say no again, I just wish she would give me a call.
Post # 12
Aw I am sorry that happened. WOuld you hate if your bridal party were lopsided? Mine is 7 and FI’s is 4 and that’s the way it has been all along. And My best friend and I are going through a rough patch right now and have been messaging each other on fb (mainly because our schedules don’t allow us to talk on the phone she works ridiculious hours when I am home) and I felt the same when I saw she had read my message and didn’t reply, then I read hers and purposely didn’t reply for a day…..and we have been going back and forth that way for a couple days. Immature I know. But maybe she is truly giving it some thought and considering if taking you up on your offer is what she wants or if it’s too generous and she should poilitely decline. I would give it a couple more days then text or call her. Good luck:)
Post # 14
I hope you can resolve your problem with your friend, fighting is never easy, especially through messaging.
I don’t really mind if my bridal party is lopsided, but I do mind not having one of my best friends there by my side =/
Post # 15
My Maid/Matron of Honor and one other bridesmaid dropped out on me and I had to actually kick one out. My Maid/Matron of Honor had a legit reason but the other bridesmaid told me she couldn’t afford it but ever since I have seen her post constantly about lots of expensive stuff she’s bought so I know she just didn’t care anymore. The one I kicked out literally didn’t speak to me or bother trying to help for months and months even though I gave her plenty of opportunities and asked her for help. With the other two it’s really hurt our relationship but I just had to get over it and try to figure things out.
I guess give her a couple of days. I know I took forever to respond to one of my bridesmaids just out of guilt for the entire situation. Hopefully things work out <3
Post # 16
I actually had to already split Maid/Matron of Honor duties between two friends because one was accepted to work for Teach For America and is scheduled to be in California during the wedding… I love her, but I didn’t want to put pressure on her or myself, or be without a Maid/Matron of Honor. I’m in the same situation with seeing expensive things… My Bridesmaid or Best Man lives in Manhatten and is constantly posting pictures of clubs, nights out, and planning a trip to Europe (which isn’t booked yet).