(Closed) Need advice! Bridesmaid dropped out =(

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@echristine:  I really think if you don’t hear from her and you have to reach out to her, don’t text her or FB her. Pick up the phone and talk one on one. Good luck.

Post # 18
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

oh man, well I’m sure she feels horrible and I bet that she KNOWS this is her fault entirely.

But if she wants to see/spend time with family in europe that’s a big deal in her life. She should never have committed to your wedding.

I just hope that this is not life a ‘best best friend’ or something like that, because that’s just terrible. Either way it was irresponsible, but weddings can strap people for a lot of cash for just a 1 day event especially if they have to fly. I’m sorry bee, your show will go on and it’ll be beautiful 🙂

Post # 19
Member
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I very recently had my own problems with a bridesmaid who ended up dropping-out/kicked-out.  The really crazy-making thing is that you really don’t figure out who the people that genuinely care about you are until something like this happens.

It very well could be she didn’t think it through before she said yes.  I would have just let her off the hook.  She might be one of those people who can’t say no.

The ex-BM I had agreed to be in the wedding reluctantly, then said she couldn’t wear anything that was in a particular dress line because they weren’t modest enough (when she had time to comment/suggest a dress line that had dresses she would be willing to wear – did I mention I’m buying the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses that the BMs are picking out?) and that she wouldn’t be offended if I asked her to step down because “think of the photos!”?  Huh?  WTF.

I let her go because it was painfully obvious she didn’t want to be in the wedding.  Afterwards she started complaining about money and made some fairly passive-aggressive statements about marriage and having a family in general (“just you wait until you have what I have”).  Seriously crazy-making.  This is someone I’ve known for like half my life (obviously not well enough).

I’m still having a tough time processing my own situation.  All I can say is I feel for you and it’s rough.

Post # 22
Member
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@echristine:  Yeah I’m still bummed about it.  How tough that your Future Sister-In-Law is being that way though!  I feel like there’s no right way to handle passive aggressiveness.  If you call them out they’re like, “I don’t know how you could take it that way, I didn’t mean it”, and if you let them know that they’re bugging you it’s exactly what they want.  Some people say to just agree with them, but I have a hard time with that without sounding sarcastic.

I guess one way to look at it is that the thing with the passive-aggressive person isn’t you, it’s totally them and their issues.  Sometimes I really believe they don’t even know they’re doing it.  Doesn’t make it easier to deal with though.

Post # 23
Member
22 posts
Newbee

Last year my friend moved across the country right after asking me to be her Bridesmaid or Best Man. As a result she moved her wedding down there. I really couldn’t make it because of money. 

It was very generous of you to offer to help with money. She may be trying to calculate and give you an answer for certain instead of having to change her mind. She may also just feel overwhelmed and guilty for having to turn it down. It’s hard to turn down an offer that generous. 

i honestly wouldn’t take it personally, it’s hard news to eliver. While it’s not the best way to do it, it maybe the only way she could muster up the courage to do it. 

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