Post # 1
So I have found myself in a very unfortunate situation and I’m just trying to wade through the (excuse my language) shit!
My ex-fiance and I have been dating for over three years, friends for six+, and living together for almost three years. We were engaged winter of 2014 and purchased a condo this past winter. Within a month of buying our new home shit hit the fan. He apparently had been having doubts for a few months and was no longer sure that he wanted to get married. In the past four weeks there have had a lot of ups and downs. The engagement has been called off since everything started, and we even broke up – although that lasted just a day. Now we are seeing a therapist and trying to work through things.
I’m struggling with what kind of timeline to put on this. I don’t want to waste time if it isn’t going to work out. I feel as if I have no control over everything – I’m not the one with the doubts and I can’t fix the situation. His latest thought is that we don’t spend enough time together and that we don’t connect. I just am wondering how long this sort of thing typically takes. I did not intend on owning property with a boyfriend and I would like to move on with my life. It is so strange dating someone I once had a commitment from.
How long should I give him to come around?
Post # 2
Nope. You can’t really go from being engaged to dating. I would talk to a lawyer about your rights on the property, and start figuring out alternate housing.
Post # 3
EarthyCrunchy: I would visit a lawyer asap and find out what you can and should be doing to sell that property.
Personally, I wouldn’t want to be with a man who wasn’t sure if he wanted to be with me. The time to figure that out happened before the engagement.
Post # 4
EarthyCrunchy: I’m not sure what timeline to give him, if I was in your situation. It would depend I think for me on whether he is second guessing the marriage or the actually being with me part. Did I think the relationship was able to be saved? Personally I would want an answer as to why he was suddenly feeling like this. But if he doesn’t give some kind of indication soon I would be done, it’s not fair on you and you’ve got no control on it.
As PP have said, I would get a lawyer on where you stand with the property. Better to be safe than sorry if it goes wrong.
Post # 5
EarthyCrunchy: even if you do continue working to save the relationship, I’d consider getting out of the condo. Of course it’s probably too soon to sell, but would you be able to rent it out and cover the mortgage?
Post # 6
I would just end it. If he’s having “doubts” you’re just extending the inevitable.
Post # 7
OP, it’s over. His excuses are bs, just cover for the fact that he doesn’t want to get married. The question is do you want to a slow, protracted end, or quick? I think that if you need couples counseling before marriage it’s probably not a good idea to get married. Sell the condo and move on.