(Closed) Need Advice: Cheating Fiance

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 107
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

End it, now.

He won’t stop. Even if stops with her there will be someone else. He’s untrustworthy and undeserving of your love and loyalty.

Have some self respect – end it today. Leave. NOW.

Post # 109
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

View original reply
@PromiseRooster:  Goodness, this was the most amazing post to read! +10000

OP, I am so sorry that you are going through this, it is heart breaking 🙁 (Hugs)
You will have so much support from your family, friends, and from all of us bees!
Leave him. It will be hard, but in the end, it will be for the best.

Post # 110
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

First of all, I am so sorry this is happening – I know (almost) exactly how you feel, my long term relationship of 5 years ended similarly. I know that sick, horrible, screaming-crying lonely hateful would-forgive-anything-only-come-back-to-me feeling. But the truth is, the relationship is over. He is too much a coward to end it himself, so he is doing everything possible to make you end it… if he had cheated one, apologized profusely, and ENDED it that would be one thing. But he has made promises to you before, gone through grand gestures of deleting her contact info only to disgustingly crawl back to her later… it’s over.

This is going to be the hardest thing EVER but he is not the right person for you. Even being with no one is better than being with someone who gives you a sick, empty feeling inside you, who lies, who humiliates you by making all the work and worrying you are doing about the wedding and relationship ridiculous.

When you leave him, the first 1, 2, 3 months will be so hard. But if you get through them, and you will if you try, you will be stronger. This experience will change you and will make you realize how smart and resiliant you can be. You’ll be wiser and more trusting of yourself.

You don’t want to have to go through this 2 or 3 years down the road, when you are dragging a baby with you and facing the prospect of being a single parent. Or worse, suffering this same sick feeling while raising a baby, hoping your husband is not cheating again, but noticing the signs, worrying, he swears he’s not, he gets mad because you keep asking him and why can’t you just trust him (why SHOULD you trust him when he’s proven himself untrustworthy?!), and so on.

JUST DON’T GO THERE. End it now. I’m so sorry for your hard times.

Post # 111
Bee
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

Everyone else has said it already, but, it’s over. Leave now.

Post # 112
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

 As a lawyer, I feel obliged to tell you that do NOT follow many of the tips given by

View original reply
@PromiseRooster:… Do not take all the money or things he owns (even for a while) and do not contact the HR… If you did do that, I’d be quite interested in representing your Fiance…

Post # 113
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Once a cheater always a cheater. Even if he stops this time, what’s to stop him after you’re already married? 

Why do you even want to stay with him? He obviously doesn’t want to be with you and is lying about it and seeing other women.

Why would you want to be married to someone like that? Ew.

Leave. You’ll look  back on it and be glad you dodged a bullet.

ETA: How do you know this is the only time? What if there have been others in the past and you just never found out about it? Nope. Run.

Post # 114
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@movingbee:  Haha, I know it’s a little extreme (I was PISSED for her) and kind of just a fantasy, and she should def consult a lawyer generally, but I’m curious: what’s wrong (legally) with contacting HR? I’m pretty sure she has the right to tell the truth to someone about someone else, right?

Post # 115
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
@movingbee:  i can quite understand why,as a lawyer,you would not rec what PromiseRooster said. But to add ”If you did do that, I’d be quite interested in representing your FI”

The OP needs our support right now,not some remark about representing her cheating scumbag FI!!!

Post # 116
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@brokenheartedbridetobe:  

I think your username says it all – he has broken your heart and you deserve so much better. I won’t give you advice, but I will tell you that I was in a similar situation a few years ago.  I’d been with my then Fiance for a long time, we met as teenagers.

I found out he was cheating and gave him a second chance, which he blew. I didn’t regret ending it after that, he’d had his chance. It was hard but it got easier gradually. 

If I hadn’t ended it when I did, I wouldn’t have met the man I am with now who is most definitely my soulmate and the other half of me.  I decided back then that I just couldn’t be with someone who didn’t respect me…

Post # 117
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Tell your mom and she will stop being excited *really* fast. 

He’s already figured out that you want to go through with this wedding so badly that he can do whatever he wants.  You need to get serious about what you want — do you want to be married so badly that you’re willing to marry a liar and cheater?

Post # 118
Member
2864 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
@stronger-now1:  I think you took the pp-lawyer too literally. She probably meant that if OP took everything and communicated to HR, there’s a strong possibility of lots of civil damages. 

She’s being supportive, but in her own way. 

Post # 119
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
@bitsybee:  i get it from a lawyers POV and the legal implications and possible comebacks,but to show interest in representing the FI? Sorry,i feel that was uncalled for whether it was meant literally or not

Each to their own

Post # 120
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@brokenheartedbridetobe:  you’re getting married and you’re concerned about him storming off?! YOU should be the one to storm off, for good.

Post # 121
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@PromiseRooster:  

THE ultimate burn. Nice. I wouldn’t take all the money and personal belongings, but I would take enough to cover the cost of the wedding, pay off any broken lease penalties, etc.

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