(Closed) Need Advice: Cheating Fiance

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 122
Member
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Honey you need to put yourself first and leave.  He’s already broken his word when he said he would stop.  What makes you think he’ll stop if you’re married?  You deserve someone who wouldn’t do something like this to you and has respect for you and your relationship.  You have nothing to be embaressed about.  It’s all him.

Post # 123
Member
3268 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@Glasgowbound:  

+1000

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@brokenheartedbridetobe:  

I don’t understand why you kept planning a wedding, while all of this blatant cheating was occuring. Looking the other way isn’t going to stop your fiance from being unfaithful. 

You teach people how to treat you. Your fiance has no respect for your relationship or for fidelity. I would walk away now unless you want to have an unfaithful husband. 

Post # 124
Member
595 posts
Busy bee

Some PPs were suggesting take half the money. Fuck, I’d take all of the money. Piece of shit lies to me and spends that much money on a girl he’s cheating on me with? Fuck that. I’d take everything. Or at least try to.

No one will fault you for canceling the wedding if you tell them the story.

Post # 125
Member
2082 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

all I can say is that I can imagine how hard it would be to walk away from 10 years with someone…

but he’s treating you like garbage…no respect.  You deserve better and you need to run for the hills.  RUN.  You’ll never EVER be able to trust him and he sounds like a sleeze. 

Like PP’s have said, cancelling a wedding is cheaper than divorce.  I’d be gone

Post # 126
Member
557 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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@movingbee:  +1

OP. I have to agree with 

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@movingbee Don’t do anything that makes you look UNSTABLE. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THE ADVICE OF PromiseRooster That will be used against you by your FI’s attorney. Taking the money, taking his stuff and contacting HR will only make YOU look bad/crazy not him. He is a scumbag, and you should leave him but youlll get a lot further if you arent making spiteful/rash decisions. giving somone payback will only hurt you more in the end. Do what you need to do but dont make it worse. Things just exscalate even more when payback is involved. Yes it would be nice for him to get what he deserves and he deserves to have his life ruined, but dont do it at the expense of ruining your reputation. Be the bigger person, his true nature has been shwoing, plus if you dont act crazy people will take your side over his, but the second you steal his moeny and his stuff youll be labeled the “crazy ex” and he can go off to say things like “See what I had to deal with?? this is why I cheated”. Dont go to his level, his true colors will show even more. Stay calm.

@stronger-now1 I dont think that movingbee was trying to be rude, she was merely showing how the legal world works and that an attorney will think that the cheating Fiance has a case against HER especially IF she takes the advice of promiserooster.

Post # 127
Member
3211 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

OP, I’m sending lots of positive thoughts and hugs your way – I think you must need them today.

 

Please do post back an update when you are able, and let us know how you’re getting on!

Post # 128
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You have misdirected anger. She  might be at fault too but she has no reason to care for you other than the fact that she’s a fellow human being. He’s the one who doesn’t give a damn about you or anything you feel and is about to marry you. Leave this asshole.

Post # 129
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee

Polly wog has the best advice –

 

 

 

you will break your mothers heart if you marry this SOB. She would be horrified to know that you married him because – …He is not marriage material, nor an adult. He will not only break your heart but your families heart, and Gosh forbid, any future childrens hearts too.

Tell your mom.  Pack it up, and leave.  Hold strong if he tries weasel words on you; he’s an emotional abuser.  You are not crazy – he is wild crazy “in love” with someone else – AND

YOU DESERVE A SPOUSE WHO LOVES AND RESPECTS YOU.

 

 

 

You can do this – do this for your future children – children learn how to have healthy relationships by watching their parents – make sure you have a healthy relationship.

 

hugs to (((you)))

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 130
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@brokenheartedbridetobe:  Any updates OP? Hope you are okay? Sending positives vibes your way!

Post # 131
Member
7973 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

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@PromiseRooster:  The advice is bad because it makes her seem freaking crazy. If I was the guy’s boss, and got an email like that, I would think “A’s ex is one crazy *****; better inform security to keep her out of the office”. It just seems vengeful. Also, seeing as I don’t know the person who sent me the email, I don’t know why this has been sent to me.. for what purpose? As a boss, I am concerned with productivity… but the sender of this email has a different priority, and I’m not sure what that is.

I don’t play games, either in my professional or my private life. I don’t respect people who do. The sender of an email like that will get short shrift from me.

I remember when one of my closest friends was going through an awful breakup. I advised her to pack his things carefully in boxes and return them through a friend, to remain polite and cordial, and to allow me to write emails to him on her behalf if she was too emotional to do it. My reasoning was that it would allow her to retain her dignity, and to look back on her conduct and respect herself all the more for it. Her reasoning for agreeing to my suggestions was that it would hurt him more to see how reasonable she was and what he was losing, plus her reasonableness would be sure to turn their mutual friends onto her side. Pota(y)to, pota(h)to.

Take the high road, OP… you will get a lot more respect from everyone in the long term if you do.

Post # 132
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Seriously? I didn’t need to read your post, just the topic “Cheating fiancé.” How could you even THINK of entering a marriage on these terms? The man who promised to spend his life with you is cheating on you before you’re even married? If you go through with it, it’s only telling him his behavior is okay. Run as fast as you can. 

 

Post # 133
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@brokenheartedbridetobe:  I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  I have not been through this personally but my sister has been in almost the identical situation.

She was engaged to this guy that everyone loved.  My parents loved him, his family loved my sister; everything seemed perfect.  My sister found out about 3 months prior to the wedding that he had been cheating on her for ages.  Deposits were on everything, invitations were bought, honeymoon was booked – you name it!

My sister was embarrassed because she blamed herself – what did she do to cause this?  He also begged her for another chance, which she did give him.

A few weeks later – I think it was after the invitations had gone out – she found out he was still cheating.  At that point she had enough self respect to end it.  Yes, they lost out on quite a bit of money, but it was much cheaper than a divorce.  He sounded very much like your guy – he’s in a dark place, doesn’t know what he wants, blah blah blah.

My sister was so upset that everyone would hate her, but instead all her family and friends – his too! – rallied around her.  His own parents couldn’t believe the way he had treated my sister and were ashamed.

It was obviously one of the hardest things she has been through.  But she met her now-husband around a year or so later and they are now happily married.  More importantly, he treats her like a queen.

Engagements are broken every day.  Do not feel ashamed.  Please do not marry this jerk and put yourself through even more pain.

Post # 134
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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@PromiseRooster:  oh my god. You need to show that post to your SO so they know you’re a boss ass bitch and to never fuck with you, lol!

Post # 135
Member
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

PP’s have already given the advice I would give.  My heart breaks for your situation.  Be strong.  Do not let humiliation or a sense of defeat back you into a corner you cannot get out of.  

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