Post # 1
I got married 2 months ago after 2 years in a very happy, healthy relationship. Just a few weeks after we were married I discovered that I was pregnant. It was unplanned, but we were both very excited about it. A few weeks after that I was on an international flight home after a business trip when I miscarried. My husband took me to the doctor the next day to confirm the miscarriage. Naturally I was extremely sad afterwards, but every time I tried to talk through my feelings, my husband would tell me that I had to get over it and to stop thinking about it. Finally, after days of this, I confronted him with how disappointed I was that I couldn’t express my grief around him. This turned into a fight , ending with him throwing me against a wall with his hands around my neck.
I was in total shock for a few days that he was capable of manhandling me like that, but decided after his many apologies to agree to work on it as long as he immediately arranged marriage counseling for us since only his insurance policy would cover the visits. It has been weeks and he keeps making excuses for why he can’t schedule an appointment. Then just last night we were driving to meet my mother for dinner when he began antagonizing me as a joke. After deliberately and slowly explaining to him that he was hurting my feelings and I did not think his jokes were funny, he exploded into a tirade. I had to cancel with my mother because I couldn’t stop my tears, and he spent the following hour on the ride home throwing every insult at me that he could think of while I just sat in silence and listened.
I am so shocked and confused. He is not acting at all like the man I thought I married and I just can’t take any more after these 2 months of constant misery. I’m still just trying to emotionally recover from a miscarriage. Would it be rash of me to ask for a divorce? Or would I be a moron for sticking around to see how much worse it can get? Has anyone else had a similar experience with their husband turning into a different man after the wedding? I will be so ashamed to get a divorce after only two months of marriage, but I’m at a loss for what to do.
Post # 3
When I first started reading your thread my intial thought was 2 months and you’re already considerin divorce? Heck yes that’s too soon! Stick it out and work it out!!! But when you wrote:
ending with him throwing me against a wall with his hands around my neck.
My gut reaction was LEAVE NOW.
Go to family’s, friends, hotel, leave now.
Post # 4
I agree, you need to leave. His bad behavior may only escalate.
Post # 5
He threw you against a wall with his hands around your neck. That’s all I need to hear. Arrange for a safe place to stay and go from there. Counseling can’t help everything.
Post # 6
Your post is reminding me of another blog I read where the girl had gotten married, and then physical abuse literally started on her honeymoon. I’m searching for it so I can post a link…
OP – get out now. Physical violence like what you described will not get better. Add on the emotional abuse (yes, it’s abuse) that he’s heaping on you, and he will destroy you. I’m so sorry that you are in this situation, but you must get out of it. It will be difficult and awful, but nothing compared to how difficult and awful your life (and the life of any future children you might have) will be if you stay with him.
Post # 7
There is no reason in the world to stay.
It must be so hard for you. But remember that you need to take care of yourself (and your situation) first; not what others might think.
Post # 8
Get out. People handle grief in different ways so maybe he’s grieving too but that is no excuse. If this is how he is handling the first test of your marriage, how will he handle bigger things? It is definitely not healthy. Don’t be ashamed, you need to do what’s right for you. If people judge you then they’re clearly not interested in your best interest.
Post # 9
Honey, there’s no shame in removing yourself from a situation that could potentially kill you. I would walk away right now to a safe place and send him the divorce papers – don’t talk about it with him while you two are alone, you don’t know how he could react. I’m so sorry you’re finding this out only after the wedding. I’m also very sorry for your loss, but can’t help but think that if you had had your baby, you would have his father in your life forever; now you can move on and severe ties.
Good luck, be safe and let us know what happens with you.
Post # 10
Imagine if you had been able to carry your child to term and your husband decided to start treating both you AND your newborn baby with violence?
For the safety of you and future children you may have with him if you stay, go to your mothers and think long and hard about what you want out of a relationship and most importantly what you deserve
Post # 11
emotional and physical abuse is not what you signed up for and definitely not what you deserve. i would leave.
Post # 12
@Bubu82: Found the blog I was thinking of. It’s one where Miss Sandollar posts about her first marriage.
She posted a link to a site about domestic violence in that post. Might be worth a look.
Post # 13
I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how difficult it is for you to have to deal with this on top of trying to recover from a miscarriage.
But I agree with PPs, you need to leave, like now. Go stay with someone you trust. Throwing you against a wall with his hand around your throat is never, ever acceptable, and if he’s capable of doing something like this to his new wife who’s just been through a very traumatizing experience (because miscarriages are), what else is he capable, and to whom? Next time it might not just be a hand around your throat, which is bad enough. Next time it might be a fist in your face, or a kick to your stomach. Maybe eventually he’ll think it’s okay to do that to your children. Is that the kind of life you want?
Post # 14
Thank you all so much for considering my post and for your help. I can’t argue with a unanimous vote. Looks like it’s pretty obvious what my next steps are…
Post # 15
As OP suggested, its time to find a safe haven. I also would suggest you go to individual counseling so you can discuss all the emotions you are dealing w/ due to your MC and abuse. Your therapist will also be able to guide you during these difficult times.
Many prayers being sent up for you.
Post # 16
@Baileigh: Seperation is the way to go right now, which is what it sounds like you are doing. Take one step at a time, right now you need to leave the house. Just stay at family or friends so you are safe and lean on them for support – don’t be ashamed to tell them what happened – it’s not your fault, do not harbor any guilt. Worry about yourself right now and not him or the divorce, get some support from your loved ones! Hope you’re leaving like RIGHT now! You don’t deserve this.