- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2010
So I dont know how to write this without sounding like a complete bridal brat so I’m just going to go for it. Sorry, this is a long one. Up front you should know I don’t like conflict or drama and usually refer matters of ‘grown-up’ conversations like telling someone they kind of suck to my more assertive fiancee. I know it’s not the best habit but I’m working on it. 🙂
Here we go…I haven’t been at this wedding planning thing long but fell head over heels for our gorgeous venue. I toured it as a backup option to another place but loved it so much we are doing the wedding and reception there and are thrilled. The issue is the coordinator at the venue. We LOVED her at the initial meeting (she was partially the reason we chose the place over my other top choices) but since have been pretty dissapointed.
Our coordinator is terrible over email, she’s better over the phone and best in person. I would be thrilled to plan this whole thing in person with her but unfortunately, both the fiancee and myself are active duty military officers and live way out of state. Distance based communication will have to be the name of the game and I explained this to her when we first met. She gave me a great warm fuzzy (many years in the business, lots of references, great ideas, super easy to work with attitude) but now I’m wondering if she’s too laid back. I try to save up my ideas and questions for one email or call to her so I’m not constantly bugging her but when I email her 4 questions, she only responds to 1 and its short, very uninformative and not very helpful. Calling her just leads to rounds of phone tag and even then, she’s pretty brisk with me. Plus, I’ve grown not to trust her and insist everything she says I note in an email and send her way so if something goes wrong, she can’t blame me. (Stressful!)
I had asked 3 weeks ago for a revised quote based on a new package option for our already signed contract. After hearing nothing (which I have grown accustomed to in the 2 months we’ve been working with her) I gave her a week and emailed again. Nothing. After another week, I shot her another email and still heard silence. So last night I finally bucked up enough to call her. (Yeah, it really does suck having to add “remind coordinator to respond to email” to my list of wedding to-dos!) Of course, I had to leave a voicemail but in it I asked her to send the new contract and then politely told her all the silence made me very nervous and that I hope over the next year we can step up the communication a bit. It was firm-ish but respectful and nice. Fast forward 24 hours and I have an email from her explaining that she is sorry for not sending the contract sooner but her father passed away and she had to take time off work.
I’m shocked and immediately go into guilt mode. How terrible am I for pressing her in such a horrible time? I feel awful for even bothering her. But wait, she didnt have an auto away message going to tell message senders she was out of the office and her voicemail was still the same. She was silent for 3 weeks…well enough time to put up an away message. I would have happily waited weeks for her to return if I had known but she gave no indication. Worse, now I’m wondering if this is her standard push-back to brides who ask too much?
So I’m just stuck…has it just been bad timing? If so, why wouldnt she just say that? Maybe I’m being too nice in feeling bad for bugging this lady to do her darn job? For a while I thought her silent treatment was because our wedding was so far away (May 2011) and that she was just putting out fires closer to the present but her total lack of detail in this contract stuff (the new contract she sent me is still wrong) and general bad performance has me really wondering. She works for a corporate catering office that has more people but is the only person at our venue so I don’t think I can ask for someone new. Maybe I need to draw up a list of expectations to send her? Should I call her corporate office? I want all these bad feelings to go away so I can have a happy planning time but I’m so stressed with her lack of work that I hate contacting her and am afraid of what will happen on our wedding day.
I don’t want to point fingers or rearrange this lady’s life but seriously, I need a more responsive/communicative coordinator! We already put down the deposit and I really do love the venue so I’d really appreciate any ideas on how to tell this lady what I expect out of here without coming off like a demanding snob. I’m all for doing what it takes to make this a productive relationship but I just dont know how to tell her she sucks and it worries me without being super confrontational. Please help!
(Sorry about the rant…)