- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
To start off, I want to say that I hope this isn’t offensive and doesn’t spark any sort of debate as I know it is a sensitive topic. And I post on here often, but this is a pseudonym because many of my friends know that I post on here… and this is a private matter for me and my Fiance that I’m not ready to fully share with people IRL.
So I really don’t know if I want kids, and I don’t know what to do/how to make a decision about it. My Fiance is in the same boat. We’re confused and non-committal. We have not made a decision definitively one way or the other, except to say that we definitely do not want children now or anytime in the 5 years. We’ve both stated that we’re too “selfish” at least at the moment for children.
To start, I’ve never felt that I’ve had that natural maternal instinct–I never had a pet or a younger sibling to take care of. I was the youngest in the family so I’m used to being taken care of. I don’t know if I have the patience to deal with having to take care of another human being day in and day out. Sometimes, I have a hard enough time taking care of myself without having an infant screaming at me at the same time.
I read the article posted on here the other day about the mother who had kids to appease her husband and ended up resenting them for being “parasites” (her words, not mine). And… while her word choice was harsh, I definitely see how one would feel that way, and I’m not sure if this means I definitely don’t want kids.
I have nieces and nephews, whom I adore. And I don’t mind watching them, but if I had to take care of them 24/7 I truly feel like I might lose it. It’s nice to give them back at the end of the night, go home, and sleep through the night without a care in the world. I like having my own life with my Fiance, and I’d be terrified to give that up.
Now, I imagine what I’ve said so far makes it seem crystal clear that I truly don’t want kids. But, for some reason, I have this nagging feeling like I might miss something if I don’t have kids (which is ironic, because it also seems like I’d miss out if I do have kids, too). Well, babies are cute and I don’t know that I would totally HATE having a child, but I honestly don’t know that I’d like it either. Plus, the idea of raising a child and potentially screwing them up for life is frightning.
I also feel like it’s “the norm” to have kids. So, I feel like I would be disappointing my parents/FILs if I didn’t and I’d be left out with all my friends who are already gaga over babies. I just don’t want to regret it later on, when it’s too late.
I’ve always heard that, once you become a mother, your attitude changes and you could never imagine your life without them… but what if it doesn’t? That’s a life-altering mistake and it seems like a big gamble to me. And that article confirmed it for me.
So.. any advice CBC’ers? How did you know for sure you wanted to be CBC or was it something you already knew?