Post # 1
Just joined and looking to get some opinions from some gals that arent my friends or family. My fiance and I have been in a LDR for well over a year now. I am going to school in Kentucky, and he is stationed in Hawaii. We have been trying to plan our wedding but it seems like something is always getting in the way. We were planning it for December of this year, but now he is going to be deploying in January and will not be able to come home in December for a wedding. We are both getting pretty tired of being apart all the time (We only got to see each other for 5 weeks last year. and those were all seperate weeks.)I have been visiting him in Hawaii for a few weeks while I am on summer vacation and we have been loving being together. But the summer is about to end and reality is sinking in. I am to return to college in a couple of weeks and I probably wont see him again until November of 2013. There is a chance he can take leave for 2-3 weeks and come back to Kentucky. But that is it, and knowing the Army something will come up and prevent that. So my question is… get married now and stay in Hawaii until he leaves so we only have to spend 9 months apart and then have a big wedding later, or wait it out and spend all of the time apart and have a wedding sometime when he gets home? All of my friends and my family are very unhelpful. My best friend is telling me to do what makes me happy(which would be staying) but my parents are telling me that I knew what I was getting into with a military man and that being apart all the time is just part of it. Just looking for some advice from someone who maybe has done this before. 🙂 By the way I wont be quitting college, I am planning to either take my courses this semester online or transfer to a college here.
Post # 3
Ultimately it’s what is important to you.
We chose to wait until after his second deployment. We could have gotten married sooner, but spending our first years married together was important to us. We wanted the “big” wedding to be the real wedding, not a vow renewal.
If you’re okay with spending a huge portion of your first years married apart, that’s fine. Many women do this. It’s not easy but there’s nothing wrong with it. You need to be prepared for it though, are you going to be okay living in Hawaii alone when he leaves?
Also, staying in Hawaii is going to make you happy short term, but is it best for you and your Fiance in the long term? What will the ramifications be? Will your families support you? What happens with school? Are you sure you’ll be able to do everything online, or at a new school? Will your credits transfer? Will you be able to do online classes without falling behind?
Your parents are right, deployments are just what comes with military life. It doesn’t mean you need to get married before he deploys though. You can still be on his notification list, in his will, POA, part of the FRG (usually) and all that without being married. The only real benefit is separation allowance and that is so NOT worth getting married for.
LDRs suck, many bees will commiserate with you on that, but making sure you have a solid plan before moving to Hawaii permanently is very important. Getting married and staying in Hawaii is not something do to off the cuff. In all honesty, the end of 2013 is not that far away. It sounds distant and daunting now, but it’ll be here faster than you can imagine. And then you’ll have your whole lives to be together.
You and your Fiance need to sit down together, have some meaningful conversations, discuss pros and cons, the ramifications of the decisions you could make and figure out what’s important. At that point the answer should be clearer (even if it’s not what you instinctively want to do).
Post # 4
Thank you! Your advice was helpful. 🙂 I’ve just been having such a tough time trying to figure out what I wanrt to do. Our wedding date has changed multiple times and now I feel like if we have a big wedding it will probably have to be years down the road. We originally planned for November 10th of this year, as it was my parents anniversary and it fell on a saturday. But I think that now is a little late to start planning. We have the venues picked and the rings and dress purchased. Its just a matter of putting it all together. It is important to me to have our families there, and a few very close friends. It is a day that I want to share with them, and although I would love to spend 5 months with him before he deploys, I think I would probably regret a court house wedding later. All of my school credits would transfer, and although online is much more difficult to keep track of, I have taken several classes online and do well. I am concerned about not knowing anything if something was to happen to him while he is gone, or if something was to happen to me. I know that as a fiance the army doesnt really concern itself with doing things for me. I know that deployments are a part of military life, something I just have to accept. I just worry that I may regret not taking full advantage of any time that he was home, or in Hawaii as close to home as he can be. I just want to be with him as long as I can, and I wish my family was more supportive of that. They were really against us having the wedding July 7th. Because they didnt want me moving out and to Hawaii so soon, even though we were planning that when he deploys I would return home for at least 6 months. I’m just trying to concentrate on what I want, and not what everyone else wants. Even though a lot of the time it seems like everyone elses feelings come before my own on the matter. My fiance is very easy telling me that I can do whatever I want to do and he will support that. Now if only everyone else would get on board! lol.
Post # 5
Personally, I’d take being married sooner over a huge wedding later. That’s just me though….we place a lot more emphasis on marriage than most.
Post # 6
Its completely up to you but I know a lot of military couples (myself included) chose to do the elopment and then a big wedding later with upcoming deployments. Many of their reasons include the want to be his wife sooner and the extra money makes it so much easier to plan the dream wedding and save up for house or splurges.