(Closed) Need advice from some Military Bees

posted 6 years ago in Military
Post # 3
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Ultimately it’s what is important to you.

We chose to wait until after his second deployment. We could have gotten married sooner, but spending our first years married together was important to us. We wanted the “big” wedding to be the real wedding, not a vow renewal.

If you’re okay with spending a huge portion of your first years married apart, that’s fine. Many women do this. It’s not easy but there’s nothing wrong with it. You need to be prepared for it though, are you going to be okay living in Hawaii alone when he leaves?

Also, staying in Hawaii is going to make you happy short term, but is it best for you and your Fiance in the long term? What will the ramifications be? Will your families support you? What happens with school? Are you sure you’ll be able to do everything online, or at a new school? Will your credits transfer? Will you be able to do online classes without falling behind?

Your parents are right, deployments are just what comes with military life. It doesn’t mean you need to get married before he deploys though. You can still be on his notification list, in his will, POA, part of the FRG (usually) and all that without being married. The only real benefit is separation allowance and that is so NOT worth getting married for.

LDRs suck, many bees will commiserate with you on that, but making sure you have a solid plan before moving to Hawaii permanently is very important. Getting married and staying in Hawaii is not something do to off the cuff. In all honesty, the end of 2013 is not that far away. It sounds distant and daunting now, but it’ll be here faster than you can imagine. And then you’ll have your whole lives to be together.

You and your Fiance need to sit down together, have some meaningful conversations, discuss pros and cons, the ramifications of the decisions you could make and figure out what’s important. At that point the answer should be clearer (even if it’s not what you instinctively want to do).

Post # 5
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Personally, I’d take being married sooner over a huge wedding later.  That’s just me though….we place a lot more emphasis on marriage than most.

Post # 6
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Its completely up to you but I know a lot of military couples (myself included) chose to do the elopment and then a big wedding later with upcoming deployments. Many of their reasons include the want to be his wife sooner and the extra money makes it so much easier to plan the dream wedding and save up for house or splurges.

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