@niasg1: I understand that. I really, really do. I sleep beside my laptop with Skype open when my husband is gone. I carry my cellphone close to me all. the. time. I get it.
But, my husband tells me he’s coming home, too. He was supposed to redeploy to his home base this last deployment for a few weeks and he didn’t. He told me, and I was heartbroken. I got my hopes up, yes, but that was my fault. Nothing is promised with the military, especially during a deployment.
My husband used to not tell me things. He used to not tell me when he was coming home, or suspected to come home. Truthfully? It did more harm than good. At least if I had at least a date to suspect he was coming home, it gave me something to look forward to.
I was absolutely crushed when it didn’t follow through (more often than not, I might add), but again, I got my hopes up so it was my own undoing. Like I said… nothing is promised during a deployment. You can be told by your superiors that you’re coming home in a week, only to have the day before they tell you that there aren’t enough funds, or one branch of the military is conflicting with yours, or some bullshit reason like there is rain on the runway, or a mysterious spot on the windshield of the plane. These are all reasons why my husband has not been able to come home to me.
I love my husband more than life itself, but I do not love the military. Your friend knew what she was getting into, and I’m she had more than enough time to back out. My husband straight up told me I had one chance when we were dating. If I could survive one deployment, I was his.
When I moved out to Oklahoma, he deployed a week after I moved in. I was alone in a state I did not know. I left my entire family back in California, and I have zero friends here. I was in an “unfamiliar house” (although I had stayed with him for 3 weeks in an earlier visit) and I spent most of those nights up and afraid.
He went to Hawaii and we had a breakdown. Well, I had a breakdown. I didn’t like being alone, he didn’t like being away from me, and he gave me a reality check. Either I buck up, or get the hell out.
I love him, so I stayed.
Deployments never get easier. I’m just going to say that right off the bat. The nights never get less lonely and the dark never creeps in less. I find it difficult to sleep most nights because I don’t know how my husband is doing, where he is, or what he is doing. I am kept in the dark about most of his job, and I hate it. But, I endure.
I underestimated how terrible deployments are.
Your friend is being unfair, but I understand her feelings wholeheartedly. To each their own, and if she wants out, she needs to get out. But this isn’t as easy as I suspect she thinks it is. It isn’t like he can say, “I need to go home.”
I used to cry at night, too. I was very depressed when he was gone the first time, but, that was to be expected. It was a new experience for both of us.
But, I toughened up. I stopped crying and I pulled myself out of that depression because, when my husband came home? Nothing else in the world mattered. I was whole again.
It isn’t easy being in a relationship with a soldier, a sailor, or what have you. We sacrifice a lot of things for our love. We do not get the privledge of crawling into bed every night with our husbands, or telling them we love them before they go to work. We do not get to split chores or go furniture shopping together, and most of our communication comes via skype, text message or the brief phone call. We don’t have the liberty to look at the clock and say, “My husband will be home at 6.” because more often than not, this will never happen.
If your friend wants out, tell her to get out. But she needs to get out because she is truly unhappy, and not because of his chosen career.