(Closed) Need advice from those who bought a house together before engagement

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
5009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

We bought a house together just 10 months into our relationship and got engaged about 11 months later.Getting married was important to me but it wasn’t the be all and end all. Buying a house together is just as big a commitment and, yes, it might delay getting married but I think Bees are sometimes a little dismissive of it as a form of commitment. Unless you’re a total eejit you understand that it is a big commitment in and of itself. I’m glad that we did things the way we did. It’s not for everyone but I don’t think we would have got engaged much more quickly if we hadn’t bought when we did.

Post # 18
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We bought our house in March 2010 and got engaged Sept 2011.  We both decided that at that point, we’d rather have a house than a wedding.  There was never a doubt that we were eventually going to get married.  Just like babeandbabe we wanted to take advantage of the market and the tax credit at the time.  We knew we’d be getting married. We just did things out of order ๐Ÿ™‚

Edit: To answer your actual question.  Yes, I do think that buying a house postponed the engagement, but it had more to do with finances than the whole “why buy the cow?” feeling.  After we bought the house, he was actively saving for a ring, but it took a little longer because our expenses really increased after becoming home owners.  However, our super huge tax return as a result of being homeowners really helped pay for the ring last year and the wedding this year ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 19
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Not just no, but hell no.  I bought a house with someone that I was married to and it was a nightmare.  It went into foreclosure during the divorce, so I doubt I could even get a mortgage at the moment.

Post # 20
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

We bought a house together a year before he popped the question, and it was the best decision we could have made!

 

Post # 21
Member
4354 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Fiance and I bought a home together before getting engaged. We wanted to live together but neither of us wanted to rent. I was selling my condo to move in with him and buying a house just made the most sense for us. In order to “cover” ourselves we agreed to sign a cohabitation agreement which layed out what would happen to the house if we broke up, and who brought what items and what deposits in to the situation so that we could walk away fairly.

We bought a new build, so we had to wait 9 months before moving in. By the time we moved in, we decided not to sign an agreement afterall (both knowing we had a serious future) but verbally agreed to be fair to one another and honor our original plan if we should decide to go our seperate ways. 9 months after moving in together he popped the question. That was 17 months ago, and we are getting married in 6 weeks.

It was the best move financially that we could have made.

Post # 22
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We bought a house just before we were engaged. Didn’t stop the proposal one bit. In fact it made us closer because we financially commited to it already.

We didn’t live together before marriage though, just had the house. lol

Post # 23
Member
4160 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My husband had purchased a home before we met and when we got engaged we were in the process of selling that first home and buying “our” home.  Because there was quite a bit of equity in the sale of the first home, my husband felt better about buying me my ring and starting to save up for the wedding.  We got married 26 months after that, but there was never a doubt that we were getting married, so it was never something we felt like we had to really think about.

Post # 24
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Have you considered purchasing the home only in your name?  Then your Boyfriend or Best Friend can pay half the mortgage as “rent.”  I’ve seen pretty nasty splits, so I would advise getting a house in both your names until marriage.

Post # 25
Member
899 posts
Busy bee

No way, don’t do it! Make a commitment to your relationship and get married first!

 

Post # 26
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We bought a house in December 2010, were engaged in September 2011, and will be married August 2012.  Dear Daughter was born May 2010. 

I know it’s different because we had a kid first, but I cared A LOT more about having a house than I did a ring or a wedding.  I can’t say that is delayed the process or anything, but if you feel like it might, then hold off.  A really traditional friend of mine told me that we were “playing house” and “pretending” to be husband and wife and I might as well kiss marriage goodbye, but I think it’s really quite ridiculous to make that generalization.

Post # 27
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I asked my Fiance is he thought he would have proposed sooner if we hadnt lived together. He told me it wouldve taken longer to propose because we couldnt have gotten to know each other as well and feel certain it was the right decision. By the time we purchased our home together, we were already talking about marriage and even kids. I knew it was coming eventually…. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 29
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center

Buying a house (or planning to) might have helped spark the proposal for us…  We started looking at houses before we were engaged, but they were going to be his house, not ours.  Then he proposed, and one of the first things he said after was that maybe I’d take the house buying more seriously and be more invested in it, so we bought together a couple months after that.  I think he would have proposed then or shortly after if we weren’t looking at houses, but I think that permanence and everything made him think about the future more.  I’m mostly just glad we have had a long time to get settled, and still have time to plan the wedding.

Post # 30
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

A couple friends did this. She bought the house, and though they talked about it, they never married. He paid half on the mortgage for a number of years. They broke up, and because his name wasn’t on the mortgage, those payments were treated as rent–even though it was far in excess of what rent would have been in a one-bedroom apartment–and all the equity he thought he was building was lost.

If they’d been married and then gotten divorced, he would have had some legal recourse. So I say don’t do it. Unless it’s in your name, and even then, only if you’d be able to pay for it on your own.

Post # 31
Member
899 posts
Busy bee

@Contented_J:  Part of the reason I say not to do it is because I did do it in this past and it was a train wreck. I also refinanced my house in both my and my fiance’s (now EX-husband) name shortly before we were married. What a mistake! Even though I had owned the home for 4 years before he came along, he somehow thought he was entitled to half the house in the divorce.

I did end up getting the house, but it dragged out the divorce and cost me dearly in attorney’s fees. And then, to top it off, I had gotten laid off so I couldn’t refinance in my own name so I had to sell it.

One thing at a time. One legal contract at a time!! Make a commitment to each other under the law before you make a commitment to real estate!

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