Post # 10
What does your Fiance think? Does he want her at the wedding? If not then he should be the one to talk to her. If so, then he needs to talk to the rest of his family. You shouldn’t be dirtying your hands with any of this drama, it’s not even your family!
Post # 1
So our guest list was made about a year ago now and save the dates went out in February. Apparently one of the people on the guest list is my fiance’s uncles ex wife and her new husband.
I first found out this was a huge problem for my future SILs baby shower. Her aunt would not throw it for her if she invited the ex-aunt. So I offered to throw it not realizing what a big deal this all was.
Now I am finding out most of the family on his side is probably not coming to our wedding because we have invited her and her new husband. And I also found out the story of there divorce (lets just say not pretty she was gone out of no where and remarried with in the month)
My fiance is so upset that none of his family that he is really close to is coming and I wish I had pushed the situation harder when I first found out we were inviting an ex-aunt. I really do see his familes view in that if it were my sisters ex husband and she didnt want him anywhere I absolutly wouldnt invite him. His uncle is still really hurting and his cousin (divorced couples son-19 yo) is still not ready to talk to her yet and is angry.
I wish there was something I could do. My fiances parents are the only ones who apparently think it is okay to keep inviting her to things even though it is sacrificing the rest of the family. Who I have grown quite close to over the past 4 years. Including the fact that our ringbearers are his cousins twin boys.
Anyone have any ideas?? I know there is no way to uninvite her but is it reasonable for my fiance and I to contact all his aunts and uncles and apologize. It feels like we are going behind his mom’s back if we do that since she is the big ex-aunt supporter. . .
Thanks to anyone who read the whole thing =)
Post # 3
Oh wow! Honestly, I would just uninvite her. If it’s making that many people uncomfortable and making so many people not want to attend then I would just talk to her and tell her that your sorry but it would be best if she didn’t attend. Maybe it’s rude but if I were in that situation that’s what I would do.
Post # 4
How did she end up on the guest list in the first place? FI’s parents?
As awkward as it will be, I think you should call her and explain that because of the drama, which I’m sure she’s aware of, these other guests are threatening to ruin the wedding for your Fiance. Ask her if she’d be willing to be the bigger person, and suggest maybe they would come to your home for dinner one evening after the wedding.
What a mess.
Post # 5
I agree with the above posters. I would politely apologize and explain why you need to uninvite them and then have them over or take them out for dinner. Hopefully theyll understand. But the day is about you and if your fiance is not going to have any family there and its going to be really sad for him, then maybe its best.
Post # 6
@Elvis: Yes. The only reason they are on the guest list is because Future Mother-In-Law put her on there. I thought it was a little odd but decided that she knew better than me what was appropriate.
I do really want to uninvite her but it feels so rude. And she was the first one to book a room on our hotel block. I think she could still get her money back though. . . not sure. She also came to my bridal shower – and now i know why my future aunt and cosin left so fast. . . I assumed they were busy but now I know the truth,
Do people really think i can uninvite her?
Post # 7
I would uninvite her. She HAS to know how the family feels about her, so she shouldn’t be too surprised. And also, apologize to the rest of the family – I mean, its not like you knew about any of this before she was invited (although, it would have been nice to know!)
Post # 8
Thanks so much for all the encouragment ladies =) this is going to be a hard conversation with a woman i dont really know. but I think it is my only option.
Post # 9
I’m kind of torn on this; from your second post, she sounds like she’s supportive and enthusiastic about the wedding. It hardly seems fair to give her the boot over the people threatening to boycott the wedding and giving their own drama priority.
Ahh. Families. They can never be simple.
Post # 11
@chellology: I would say to uninvite her because that seems to be the only answer at this point….Sorry you have to go through this
Post # 12
@Elvis: It is true she is supportive and enthusiastic. Which is part of why I feel so terrible. I am just not really sure why she is. She doesnt know me or my fiance really. And her coming is also stopping her ex husband and son from coming to the wedding.
I am actually probably not going to uninvite her. Mostly because I think it would really upset my Future Mother-In-Law and while I want the rest of the family there getting along with her is far more important to me.
I am ready to be married and have the drama over =)
Post # 13
Posts like this make me want to say that people need to grow the fuck up.
Sorry, just a rant. This lady made some poor choices and others may not like her but she is not Hitler. I think refusing to be in the same room with her is childish and ridiculous.
They all love you and your Fiance. I’m sure it won’t kill them and put their differences aside for one or two events. Then they can go on their merry way after.
Sorry your dealing with this silliness OP.