NEED ADVICE – getting married before wedding?

posted 2 months ago in Ceremony
Post # 46
Member
629 posts
Busy bee

Marry ahead but be honest with your guests. If it were my family/friends we always celebrate each other’s anniversaries and most people put a fb post or something ‘happy x anniversary’ so if the date is ‘off’ from the one everyone went to your ceremony for I think people will catch on and feel lied to. 

Post # 47
Member
308 posts
Helper bee

Don’t listen to the ridiculousness here. You don’t have to tell people if you dont want to.

The officiant says “I now pronounce you husband and wife” after the exchange of vows, not after the signing of the papers. I have never been to a western wedding where the couple signs the marriage contract in public before the officiant and the guests and then only after that the officiant pronounces the couple husband and wife. I have, seen in other cultures where this is done (signing of papers in public) but i don’t think this is the case with OP. Go ahead and sign the papers any time you want. 

I know many people who signed the marriage papers before the wedding, and they use the wedding date as their anniversary, so nobody will ‘catch on’. That’s just how the couple define their marriage. Not what other people think. Nobody is going to ask to see your marriage papers, that is utterly ridiculous.

 

Post # 48
Member
3820 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

confusedbumble :  I don’t understand the heat over this topic. I’d just do it and tell nobody including the Mother-In-Law. That is a lot of money to save. To me signing a piece of legal paperwork for the governmet doesn’t make me married. Its declaring ourselves married spiritually and emotionally in front of God and our friends and family that is more important to me.

The government paperwork involved is just that here in Australia.You are legally considered defacto (common law marriage) and awarded the same rights after x amount of time together anyway.So maybe that’s why its not such a big deal to me??

 

Post # 52
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

You would think that more people here would be against Destination Weddings if they consider the legal document and only the legal document to be the wedding, since destination weddings are not legally binding. 

Unless you accompany the couple to the courthouse you know that you are not witnessing a legal wedding. 4 months is a rather large gap though. I wouldn’t be upset as a guest, but some people would. I think you should save the tuition money. The option of not telling people is kind of already gone, since you have told people. 

Post # 53
Member
8669 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

impatient1 :  Huh? I had a destination wedding and it was most certainly legally binding. Not sure where you are getting your information from but it most certainly is wrong for most countries. 

Post # 54
Member
2883 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I think it’s fine to do, but there’s no reason to lie about it. Give your friends and family some credit. They will understand why you are doing what you’re doing and they love you and would be happy to attend a post wedding celebration after you guys get married. 

People only lie when they think they’re doing something wrong. You’re not doing anything wrong so there’s no need to lie about it. Honestly the only reason people lie about this kind of thing is because they are trying to control and manipulate how people feel when attending whatever they consider their real wedding. 

Post # 55
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee

This is a totally personal choice that you and your fiancé should make OP. 

I’m all about saving money, but for me personally, I wouldn’t  get married in this manner just to save money. I liked signing our forms in the church on the day, it just seemed so much more special xo

Post # 56
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

j_jaye :  From law school, but k. 

Post # 57
Member
8669 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

impatient1 :  from law school, but k.

So you obviously didn’t learn much in law school if you think what you learnt in law school is applicable across every jurisdiction across the world. Not sure where you but if you are in the USA/Canada/Australia/UK then you should demand a refund because all these countries (and many many more) recognise most overseas marriages as legal. 

Post # 58
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I wasn’t posting on every jurisdiction in the world. The OP stated that she lives in the US. 

Post # 59
Member
8669 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

impatient1 :  No you made a general statement about destination weddings which had zero to do with the OP.

Also as I stated if you actually look up the information on the US government website overseas marriages are in fact recognised (aka legally binding) in most States (though I haven’t found one yet that it isn’t). It depends on the State you live in on how you need to do this or if you can. So yes what you said is incorrect for the whole of the USA.

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