(Closed) NEED ADVICE! guestbook person/bridesmaid – bridal party hierarchy??

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think that while it’s really sweet of you to want to include your sister in this way, I can understand why she’d be a little hurt.  I would say in the "hierarchy" of a bridal party, guest book attendant definitely seems like a throw-away position compared to the Maid/Matron of Honor or BMs.  Although your guestbook idea does sound fun and interactive, do you really need 3 people to help out with that?  As your sister, she might have thought she would get a little more recognition/attention than just being a greeter and one of three guest book attendants.  Especially if she’s younger, and even more so if she’s the youngest, she might be looking for something a little more "special" than the same title and duties you gave to the two other girls.

When you decided not to make her a Bridesmaid or Best Man, was it in response to a direct thing she said about not looking forward to the duties/responsibilities of being a bridesmaid?  Or was it more because of the way she acted?  Or something she said to your other sister, or mom?  I bring this up because I have four sisters, and sometimes I end up with the wrong information because I didn’t stop to talk to that sister directly.  She might have complained about being a bridesmaid but really she may have wanted the recognition and attention that comes along with that honor. 

At this point, it sounds like she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid at all.  Asking her again might just hurt her feelings more.  I would just let her know that you really want her to be a part of your big day, and that you’re sorry you hurt her feelings before.  If she agrees that she WANTS to be involved again, can you "reassign" her to a more honorable position?  Maybe by doing a reading (a short poem, prayer, or even a quote?), walking your mom/grandmother/other relative down the aisle, doing a toast at the reception, being introduced with the bridal party at the reception, etc…  It might make a difference if you place the emphasis more on how she’ll stand out on your wedding day rather than go into the details about why being a guest book attendant is just as special as being a bridesmaid.  Good luck!

Post # 4
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Hmm, well I’m confused.  At one point you said she grumbled about not looking forward to Bm duties.  Then she seemed to feel hurt that she wasn’t asked?  More info there could help.  (Sometimes people don’t realize they are sounding complainy.)

As for not wanting guestbook, sometimes people enjoy that job.  Sometimes they feel snubbed.  I personally would not like that.  It would seem too much like work to me, rather than an honor.  For that matter, I’m not sure that your sister would appreciate anything less than Bridesmaid or Best Man.

I know she said shewouldn’t want to be Bm now anyway.  But maybe if you explain to her that you thought she didn’t want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man based on what she said, she’d calm down.  Could you just say that you misunderstood what she said and truly didn’t mean to hurt her feelings?  And that you really do want her a s a Bm if she wants to be one?

Post # 5
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am a little confused…so now she is mad that she’s not a "real" Bridesmaid or Best Man and instead has to be in charge of the guest book?  It seemed like she didn’t even want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, so what is it that she wants to do?  Have you asked her if she had some idea that you were missing?  I have to say about the jobs that guest book attendant does seem a little crappy compared to a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Would she maybe be happier if she was a reader or something like that?

Post # 6
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I don’t think people feel the same way about the guestbook as a bridesmaid; there was an early episode of Sex and the City in which Miranda was pissed about being the guest book attendant and described herself as a "B list friend" with a "bs job." (it was the episode in which Carrie read a poem at the wedding and Big disappeared halfway through her poem to take a phone call).   I don’t think everyone feels so poorly about this position, but  I would not consider it the same honor as being a bridesmaid.  Not everyone likes to start a conversation with perfect strangers, or to be tied to one spot next to the guest book.

It’s possible that your sister wasn’t too excited about being a bridesmaid, but she is still annoyed at not being given the job since she felt left out and loved less than your other sister (people’s feelings aren’t always logical).  Or she could be resentful that you are getting all the attention in the family and is lashing out by complaining about her position.  

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