(Closed) Need Advice- How much should/ do I help here?

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@jackndiane:  Why can’t he work? I think he should be trying to make some $$ somehow rather than asking you to cover for him, given that you’re currently footing all of the expenses for your lives right now anyway. I would have a really hard time doing this and would probably resent him for it.

Post # 4
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@jackndiane:  Personally, I wouldn’t. Your name is not on the mortgage/deed, and you’re not married, so you’d be contributing to something that is not yours. While I understand this is a difficult situation, unfortunately for your own financial security, I would not put money into his condo.

Post # 5
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@jackndiane:  I would tell him to ask his parents to make the payments, since you can not afford that on top of the mortgage of the house. I would also encourage your Fiance to get a temporary job for the next two months (even if he is a doctor and the only job he can get is delivering pizza). If you weren’t stretching things as it is, then it would be great if you could make the payments, since you two will be combining finances soon anyways. But it doesn’t sound realistically possible unless you have a secret savings account you didn’t mention. And if its not possible then its just not.

Post # 7
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

Tell him to ask his parents to pay for it.  Its not fair for him to expect for you to pay for your whole lives AND his parents condo.

Post # 9
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

He should ask his parents to pay for it. It doesn’t make sense for you to have to carry all the financial burden. It sounds like people are taking advantage of you.

Post # 10
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Why can’t he work? He should try to get something temporarily or ask his parents. You shouldn’t have to pay all the bills plus an extra house payment.

Post # 11
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

@jackndiane:  We all feel bad at times and thats why people take advantage.  Think about those commercials with the hungry kids.  You feel bad at the end of the commercial and that’s when you actually consider giving them money.  If they showed instead what your money did for the kids, the clothing food and schooling of the kids, with the kids being happy, then you wouldn’t be as inclined to donate. 

I’m not being snarky here, but its unfair of your fiance to even ASK you before he asked his parents.  He shouldn’t put you in that situation at all. 

Post # 12
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

OR if you DO decide to make the payments, do it ONLY as a loan.  Write it down on paper that he has to pay you back $XX amount.  Or make him set it aside for a boost to the wedding budget.  Something.  Don’t just make the payment and expect nothing back from it. 

Post # 13
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Well, you are getting married soon, so even if your name isn’t on the deed, it’s something you’ll have to deal with post wedding, so avoiding it isn’t an ideal solution.  (How soon is the wedding?)  Saying no outright isn’t quite right, but I do agree that if his parents are on the deed he should at least talk to them and make them aware of the situation.  That said, it sounds like they are largely on the deed because they generously paid the down payment for your Fiance and not because they consider the place mentally speaking “theirs.”  What I find a bit more startling is that with only a job gap of 2-3 months, your Fiance doesn’t have any savings to cover this.  You might want to sit down together and have a frank discussion on finances, because he (/you?) should really develop an emergency fund of 6-12 months.

Post # 14
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i feel when you are married it includes being eachothers financial support – we have separate bank accounts but we dont keep a ledger on who owes or owns what, if something needs to be paid then we sort it out between us so that it gets paid

Post # 15
Member
46331 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We don’t have all the information, maybe he’s injured or having surgery etc, but if he can get something temporary he should. Where else in the world, other than at his parents’ house, would a grown man get to live for free?

Post # 16
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I guess I am wondering who the proceeds of any sale will go to….if you make the payments now and will be getting that money back when it is sold, then it might make sense to avoid any negative impact on his credit report.  If they are getting back a certain amount then maybe they can make the payments and add that to their proceeds of a sale?

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