(Closed) Need advice: I really don’t want a shower

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Tell you Maid/Matron of Honor that you DO NOT want a shower, especially not a surprise one. Hopefully she’ll talk sense into you sister. If she’s unable to, confront your sister directly and just say no and that you know about the shower and you won’t attend.

Post # 4
662 posts
Busy bee

Talk to your sister directly, not through your mom.  Let her know how you feel about it and how much you appreciate her effort.  Let her know if she REALLY wants to surprise you with something nice she can make a “night of” basket for you or something like that (my sister loves making these baskets for her friends and has the hotel deliver them.  They usually have snacks and champagne, some chocolate, edible underwear, stuff like that).  Find a project you think she would enjoy and offer her that instead.  She wants to do something nice for you so don’t tell her no, just redirect her efforts.

Post # 6
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Aww, I don’t think this is “bratty” at all, it’s the opposite of bratty!  You have a lot to do and you don’t want to be stuck sitting at a bridal shower feeling ungrateful.  I don’t blame you at all.

What I would do is immediately email your sister (and/or your MOH) and tell them about your schedule.  You have a valid concern and as long as you’re polite, honest, and thankful for their efforts, they should respect your wishes. 

And if it is too late, hopefully they can help facilitate the shower so that it’s two hours tops, in-and-out, with the closing remarks, “I’m sure you can all understand how busy our bride is during the week of her wedding!”

Post # 8
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m with you on the “I don’t want a shower at all, and I want a surprise shower even less” thing. My whole concept of a shower is dress up, sit around with some people you know and maybe some people you don’t know, and get a bunch of presents and eat cookies. Just not my thing, on so many levels. One of my bridesmaids asked my Mr and I to pick an “open day” from a choice of 4 dates– I travel a lot for work so this is totally normal when people try to make plans with me, and I figured she was planning something low-key for just her and my fiance and I. Wine tasting or something.  Well my sister let the cat out of the bag and we’re getting a shower.  

Fortunately, my bridesmaid is pretty solid on the “don’t invite anyone who is not invited to the actual wedding” thing, so it should be a fairly good group of people we actually like. I did ask my sister to let the other girls know that we REALLY do not want gifts, and if we can call it a party or something, then my Mr and I will be more comfortable with it.  And while I really still am not thrilled at the idea, I’m going to accept it gracefully— and get my Mr to do the same.

I think this is one of those things where you just have to suck it up and let people shower you.  There’s so many written and unwritten rules about what’s “expected” of the wedding party and close family members leading up to the wedding, that there’s a good chance that your sister thinks she’s OBLIGATED to do this. Plus, most times, this is really coming from the best of intentions— your sister is excited and happy for you, and wants to share the excitement.

It’s really hard to give up a precious free day or even part of it, especially so close to the wedding, but I think on this one, you just kind of have to grin and bear it.

Post # 9
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know exactly how you feel! I DO NOT want a shower AT ALL. Having to fake nice to people I don’t even know while opening presents and everyone staring at me? Sounds like a nightmare. I like your idea of the no gifts tea or luncheon. Hopefully they will get the hint.

Post # 10
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am in the same boat.  I told my Maid/Matron of Honor that there was to be no shower, no dumb games, no gifts, and no fawning over me like I’m a blushing bride.  I’m too old for it, and I don’t need or want it.  It’s not about being spoiled, it’s about not needing a single thing but their love and support.

I hope your Maid/Matron of Honor and family understands!


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