Post # 1
I have been married to my husband for just over a year but we have been together for over six years.
I love my husband and I never worried about him cheating on me in the past as he was probably the most honest guy I have dated. Recently we have had a bit of tension in the last six months over went to start a family ( I wanted to wait a little longer). He’s a few years older so wanted to get started as soon as possible. With lockdown giving us more time I had started to think it might be time to start trying in the last couple of weeks.
Fast forward to today I got a strong urge to look at his phone and I found some texts to an unknown number enquiring when they were working (text sent on the Saturday). I googled the number and it’s an independent escort.In the text she requested that he call if he wanted to book so ofcourse I checked the call log. Turns out he called them on Tuesday….I’m honestly so shocked.
the interesting thing is he actually hasn’t been out much, outside of family events since Tuesday so I’m not even sure if he followed through. I don’t want to confront him until I know all the facts…at the moment I’m just so numb from it all.
does any one have any suggestions on how I can get to the facts before confronting him ?
I don’t understand I know he loves me and is so keen to start a family…why would he even contact them
Post # 2
I don’t know what other facts you need. Something in you made you snoop through his phone, so your gut was telling you something was wrong. You could always call the number yourself and double check that it is, in fact, an escort service. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this, but this would be a deal breaker for me. This isn’t some drunken night out with a one time mistake. He deliberately sought out an escort, text them, and called them. This wasn’t a mistake. I would just confront him and see what he says. I’m sure he’ll deny it or try and turn it on you for snooping but don’t let him.
Post # 3
Wow. I’m so sorry, bee. Do you have access to his computer? I’m not usually an advocate of snooping but in this case I’d try to do some sleuthing on his computer and phone and take screenshots of everything so he can’t delete and deny once you confront him. To be honest even contacting an escort would be a dealbreaker for me, and I don’t know what kind of innocent explanation there could be for this kind of behavior.
Post # 4
Yikes! That doesn’t sound good. Even just contacting an escort is awful, regardless of whether he followed through. It means he’s seriously considering it, at the very least. That’d be a dealbreaker for me.
If you want to look for additional evidence, do you guys share finances? Has he taken out unexpectedly large amounts of cash from an ATM, or had unexplained credit card purchases?
Post # 5
You have the information you need, I think you just want more because you fear he’ll deny it and you want additional proof. At this point I don’t think you need anything else.
Post # 6
I don’t know what else to say but I think this is enough info for you to confront him.
Post # 7
I’m so sorry bee. I have to agree with pp that the evidence you have is quite damning on its own. I also think you should do some soul searching about why you chose to look at his phone in the first place, because it doesn’t make sense why you’d do that if you fully trusted him and never worried about infidelity. What I’m getting at is I wonder if deep down you’ve had doubts before and your gut was telling you something.
Post # 8
Oy. I’m sorry, this is a heartbreaker, but at least you don’t have children to compound the issue. I can’t imagine any reasonable excuse for a married man to be calling an escort service. I have to say that divorce would be on the table for sure.
Post # 9
When I was much younger I spent way too many years with a guy who frequently contacted other women, sometimes escorts too. He always claimed he never followed through, but I wasnt certain. In any event, he kept on doing it for years and years until I finally left.
He’s now married to another woman and does the same to her.
This would be a dealbreaker for me. Even if he didnt follow through THIS time, how could you ever trust him again? Game over.
Post # 10
Yikes, I’m so sorry Bee. Something gave you an urge to look and what you found has no excuse. Whether or not he followed through would make little difference to me – either way the intent was there and to me he’s already crossed the line. I wouldn’t be able to continue the relationship. I don’t know how you’d be able to trust anything he says when confronting him about it. I understand wanting to know what exactly happened but even if he tells you the truth the trust is broken and you’ll be wondering what else may have happened. Also, I don’t mean to jump to any conclusions but nothing you did caused this! Don’t feel like being on different pages about when to start TTC has any bearing on what he did. It seems really low he could be putting pressure on you to start a family but also doing shady things on the side. That’s on him though.
Post # 11
As a woman, you had an instinct to snoop on his phone for a reason. Something must not be going right…or you wouldn’t have looked. And you were proven right.. I’m sorry bee but you need to trust your intuition. Confront him and certainly don’t start a family with him.
Post # 12
I too would want all the facts then I would dump his cheating ass.
Go through the phone and computer call the number whatever ypu can do
Post # 13
Even if he didn’t follow through I would be done.
Post # 14
What a wonderful blessing to have found this out before getting pregnant. I’m rejoicing for you that you have been given this opportunity to see this side of your husband at this precise time in your life. I realize you’re hurting. What smarmy and gross behavior from him. He has probably participated in this sex industry before your relationship with him and maybe at other times during it, unbeknownst to you. As someone else said above, do not try to rationalize this by making yourself at fault. This isn’t about you, it’s about him.
Wishing you love and light. You got this. You deserve good things. You have a lot to offer the world and to offer the right man who respects and loves you.
To have found this out now is a huge gift. You’ve got angels looking out for you.
Post # 15
Barring something highly unlikely and crazy like he was intentionally framed, or the escort has some sort of other legitimate business with H ( ha!) you know all you need to know whether or not he actually followed through. It would be a dealbreaker.
That said, I would not confront him before consulting an attorney. It may be to your advantage to check records, document finances, possessions, and depending on your location prove this happened as well as to have a heads up as to what to do and not to do. Once he knows you’re onto him he may try to hide assets etc. You might be advised to gather more information, even hire a PI or forensic investigator, or that might be unnecessary.
Also, get checked for S.T.D.’s