(Closed) Need advice, I think my husband may have cheated with an escort

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

[moderated]

Post # 32
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

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@JamieFlint:  wow

Spoken like a cheating husband, and a rapey one at that.

Ladies, listen up! If you deny your husband his conjugal rights, you are in the wrong, and he’s bound to seek it elsewhere! Lie back and think of England!

OP, looks like your husband has found your thread. Look at what he’s saying. This is sociopathic. You gotta go.

Post # 33
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

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@JamieFlint:  Oh yeah, I forgot about that section in my wedding vows which says if I don’t feel like sex, my husband’s options are either to rape me or cheat on me. Clearly that’s where the OP went wrong.

Jesus Christ, don’t try hiding your vile misogyny under the guise of advice, and then fall back on the old devil’s advocate excuse.

Post # 34
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

Okay not her husband or any of his friends. Attacking me does the poster no good. She asked for advise and help. My advise was a self evaution. No one (man or woman) likes getting told no. If it happens to often what is being denied will be sought else where. How am I the bad guy for not coddling her? (Retorical question). She asked for advise and my advise remains the same, self evaluation of her and how she approaches the relationahip. Oh yeah, talking about what went wrong in the first place. I am notbasking anyone to agree or like the advise I give. The poster freely asked and i freely gave. I will admit that I could be totally wrong here. If so accept it and apologize for it.  As it stands now there is no update and we are all in limbo as to the outcome of the converstion she had woth her husband. Let us us keep this thread on track though. Open a new thread to attack me if you like but this is not the place for it. Calling me a rapest does the poster no good at all. 

Post # 35
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

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@JamieFlint:  You’re not the bad guy for not coddling the OP or for asking tough questions, what makes you sound like the bad guy, and what riled everyone up was saying that if you don’t feel like sex you should let your husband do it anyway so he doesn’t feel bad, and if you don’t then it’s understandable for him to go to escorts. Do you really not see what a problematic viewpoint that is and why it upset people?

Post # 36
Member
574 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2021

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@JamieFlint:  Did you honestly come to a forum of predominantly women to write “if your husband wants sex then just lie back and accept it” and expect a good reaction?

You are either a troll or an idiot. 

 

Post # 37
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

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@JamieFlint:  either go back to your cave, caveman, or under your bridge, troll. 

Post # 38
Member
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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@JamieFlint:  “Once the ring goes on, the panties stay up.” Is this for real?! What a disgraceful, disgusting comment. I sincerely hope you’re joking. 

Post # 39
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

I am neither a troll nor an idiot. I also did not condone his action. I stated it was wrong. I stated that if something is not being gotten in the marriage it will be sought else where; never did I say it was okay to cheat. I asked questions and gave a view point based on patterns that I have come across over the years. That being said after talking with couples that have lasted 40 plus years in a marriage the anwsers boiled down to this: give the woman love and attention and give the man sex and respect. These woman did not always want to have sex but they had it anyway. Different time different generation sure what ever. But they lasted 40+ years in a marriage happy. Where these marriages all sunshine and rainbows? Not even close but they were happy. I was just bringing what I have learned to the table. As for where I talked with all these long lasting couples; my mom is a CNA at a nursing home. When I visit her at work I would talk with the residence and ask for a story, or how they met their spouse, why it lasted so long, etc. Watch their faces light up and the joy they get to tell these stories. In many marriages these days the voice and opinion of the man is lost. The saying happy wife happy life confirms this. I have talked to and read many stories where men stay out of fear (of losing their kids mostly) or cheaper to keep her as they say. These are truths that are over looked and thought of as insignificant. Will a mostly female forum like to hear these words and ideas? Not likely but I will present them them anyway as these are just as important and valid as what a female has to say. If you prefer a female saying them then listen to Karen strong she will tell you the same thing but in a female voice and body. 

 

As for me coming to a mostly female forum, great I love it now if I reply there is another option and view point, a different side of the story that can be looked at and thought about. Will it be pretty and a pat on the back saying its okay its the other person’s fault? Nope, not unless that is what i belive. I will not take a posters words at face value either. 

 

For the record I also stated that if the woman wanted sex and the man didn’t he should fulfill her request. It went both ways. 

 

As for as what brought me to the forum:  a post I came across from about 8 years ago (I found out after I signed up) where a woman was wild and crazy with everyone then when she wanted to get married and he wanted wild and crazy she was unwilling. The FH found out how she was before him and then was calling off the wedding because he was not good enough for her wild and crazy. I was going to tell her to get out as she was settling and it would not end well in the long run. 

Post # 40
Member
574 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2021

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@JamieFlint:  Oh my god just shut up already. I got about a quarter of the way into your latest essay and it was frankly too nauseating to continue. 

Post # 41
Member
574 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2021

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@JamieFlint:  by the way if you don’t want the other bees to speculate on you being the husband you might want to at least make some effort to engage in the other posts?

Very strange that you would make an account out of nowhere to just come and troll your nauseating misogony on this sole thread. 

You are not making your position of ‘women should submit to men’s desires to have sex’ any better by saying the reverse is also true. That is bullshit in both cases and for both genders. Rape is rape regardless of gender and if ANYONE in a marriage doesn’t want to have sex then they shouldn’t be forced to – end of discussion. 

Post # 42
Member
2027 posts
Buzzing bee

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@JamieFlint:  stop derailing the thread and gaslighting OP into thinking there is any possibility him cheating on her is in any way her fault.

OP came here for advice and support, not misogynistic justifications and pathetic excuses for unacceptable behavior

OP I’m really sorry this is happening to you. You can check credit card statements and call the number for the escort but I honestly think you have all the info you need at this point. 

Also, please don’t confront him until you have your ducks in a row as others have said

Post # 43
Member
1713 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

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@JamieFlint: 

 

NEVER in a relationship should anyone just be giving (or feel like they should be giving) their partner sex whenever their partner wants it if they don’t want to. Never. Your partner is not entitled to your body, ever, if you’re not 100% on board with it. If your partner doesn’t respect that, they’re a shitty person. If you’re advocating people just “suck it up” because their partner wants sex, you’re a shitty person. Just because a relationship lasts 50 years doesn’t mean it’s healthy, or that it should have lasted 50 years. 

Post # 44
Member
2664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Closing for mod review 

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