- 4 years ago
Hi Bees. I’m in need of some advice on a touchy situation I’ve found myself in. This is kind of embarrassing for me to write about, and if you want to just read the problem, skip to that part.
Background – DH and I have been together 7 years, married 3. When we first started dating, our sex life was quite active, whereby we’d have sex almost daily, and sometimes many times a day. Over the years, however, that slowed down drastically, and my libido has become pretty much nil. I used to think it was my birth control, but even since going off I’ve seen no increase. Obviously this is frustrating to my DH who still wants to have sex daily, or more, and I try my best to make him happy and engage in some sort of sexual activity a couple of times a week. But honestly, I just have no desire to have sex every two hours every day. And DH has expressed his unhappiness with the current situation on more than one occassion, demanding to know why I’ve changed so much/am I not attracted to him anymore?
Problem – So a couple of weeks ago, DH went out with some friends after work (he works an evening job), and I was already in bed and asleep when he got home, around 2 AM. I’m a semi-light sleeper, so I felt him get into bed beside and snuggle up against me. He usually rubs my back or my butt or something when he comes to bed, but this time he slipped his hand into the front of my underwear and started to fiddle around. I gently pulled away, not jerking or anything, and he stopped briefly, and then resumed, so I just rolled over on my stomach. He continued to try for a little while longer, before falling asleep snoring. I chalked it up to his being drunk, and he claimed the next day to not know what he was doing, and I gave him the benefit of the doubt, until it happened again last night.
Same scenario, I was asleep when he got home from going out around 3:30 AM, and he was much more insistent, where my rolling or scotting away didn’t have any effect. He would pull a section of my underwear down in the back, then back up, then down again. I finally asked him to please stop, he did, and then he proceeded to “relieve” himself, which I could feel as he kept bumping himself into my back. Tired, frustrated, and hurt, I got out of bed and slept on the couch and left him to himself.
I don’t even know how to approach him about this. It had been a whole 48 hours since we had last had sex, so it wasn’t like he’s got weeks of pent-up stuff there. I just feel (and I feel like crap saying this), violated by him. It’s one thing if we’re both awake watching a movie or something for him to do that, but to try to do stuff to me while I’m asleep just feels wrong. I know he’s going to turn it into me never wanting to have sex anymore, and I know I should try to initiate more often, but I still don’t think that is a reason to try to get me while I’m sleeping.
Has anyone been in a similar situation, or can offer any advice on what I should do? I feel that I should say something to him about it, but I don’t want to walk in there accusatory or anything like that.