(Closed) Need advice ladies!

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 1
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

I really thought I was getting a proposal on Jan 1st. Every sign a girl could take as being indicative of a proposal was there. Surprise dinner, wear something nice, expensive restaurant, 1st time he planned something for us, thought I felt a ring box in his pocket, we wined and dined. Felt it coming during desert then… nothing. I had a wonderful time. And I love what he did. But I decided, being psyched out by a nonexistent proposal warranted finding out what his timeline was.

He told me that if anything were to happen it would happen anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. IF. He said it wasn’t something he was actively planning, just that IF it came about, that’s when it would. He knows my 3 year timeline for myself. I’m the type that if you don’t know what you want out of our relationship within 3 years, then I’m gonna find someone who does. Hope that doesn’t come across as harsh. It’s not meant to be. We haven’t really talked about it since.

So…

This is where I need your advice. Do I just drop it? We are going to his friend’s wedding in April. Do I just set that as a timeline to keep my mouth shut? I guess I feel I need a little less vague of an answer. “IF I decide I want to do something then MAYBE it will be from 6 months – 2 years.” Mostly because we’ve been dating for almost 2 years. Would you push (nicely of course) for something more specific, dates, intentions, etc? Would you do it, but maybe later? Like after the wedding in April? Help? Thanks!

Post # 3
Member
304 posts
Helper bee

@claireos: his response is not sounding like he’s at all ready. and he is right out telling you that it could be another two years until he’s ready. it’s up to you if you are willing to wait.

Post # 4
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

I would talk to him about it because IF it doesn’t happen, then you just wasted so much time waiting when you could have went your separate ways already and found someone more in tune with you and your timeline for relationships.

Post # 5
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think that y’all need to have a conversation about what you both expect out of this relationship. I think he needs to be reminded of your 3 year rule, and he needs to address whether he thinks your relationship is heading towards marriage. Then go from there.

Post # 6
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

@mg1363: He’s said before that he wouldn’t be with me if he didn’t see it going somewhere. But then he says it’s not something he’s actively planning. Then when I pushed for a timeline guess-timation he tells me the above IF story. 

I guess I’m just confused on how to go about it. What to ask. I rarely, rarely mention marriage. I can count on one hand the number of times it has come up in the last almost 2 years. And I’d like to keep it that way. Smile But I feel like I want to hear, “I’m sure about you and I could see something happening in the next (insert timeline).” I know the answer, I don’t know the question. What have you guys asked? Oh, and he’s afraid of timelines. So, I would have to ask in a way that caused him to give a timeline without demanding a date. And a way to find out why it’s just an IF. I’m a verbal mess. Help. You guys seem so much better with your words. 🙂

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