(Closed) Need advice: leaning on ex?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5959 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Why don’t you lean on FI?  Just because you exes mom had cancer doesn’t make him the best candidate for support…the people in your life that love you are, and if Fiance isn’t comfortable with it, because it’s really HIS territory to comfort you through this you might wanna find a family of cancer patient’s support group or other venue for that in the same boat support. 

And remember, people in the middle of emotional, life changing, scenarios can act impulsively to temporarily block out the pain and sorrow, keep yourself with solid steady people and tell your Fiance what you need to get through this.

Post # 4
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I second a cancer support group and leave the ex in the past.

I have had a parent die of cancer. I know what you are going through and that you need to talk but the ex isn’t the best person for you to do this with. I am sure there are others even within your network of friends that would step up to be your leaning post.

Post # 5
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

put yourself in your FIs shoes. would you be okay with your Fiance talking to his ex. i personally wouldnt feel right with my husband talking to his ex about something like this. would you be okay with him leaning on another woman when you are ther  ? why cant you talk or lean on your Fiance ?

Post # 6
Member
5959 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

And let me say I’m so sorry to read this, it’s hard to go through, I speak from experience, but keep your peeps close, don’t be afraid to ask for the things you need and remember that a good old fashioned power cry in the shower works wonders for a girl in the middle of a crisis.

Post # 8
Member
5959 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@CountryRose:  i urge you to give your Fiance some credit, just because he’s never lst anyone before doesn’t mean he’s less able to love and support you through this….none of us will ever have a real knowledge of what the other is going through, but it’s the effort and caring that counts.

Post # 9
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would be devistated if my Darling Husband was leaning on his ex instead of me, no matter what the reason is. 

Post # 10
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m so sorry *hugs*

I recently lost both grandparents on my mother’s side. 

I know that right now it might feel good to talk to your ex, but I think that in the long run it will cause too much hurt for your Fiance and could become an issue. There are many people who have been touched by tragedy or cancer whom you can lean on and speak to, both online and personally in a support group. 

Just remember to not assume your Fiance can’t relate because he hasn’t “been through the pain” or something. Empathy is a powerful thing and you must let him in enough for him to see the hurt. This is what he is there for, this is the “in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health” part of the vows which you will be taking soon and you need to give him the chance to step up to the plate. 

If my SO was hurting I would be devastated to think that he didn’t feel that he could talk to me and that I might not fully understand. 

Post # 11
Member
7749 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sorry, this is hard. I’m old enough that I’ve lost all four grandparents now.

But you don’t have to have lost a relative to cancer, to be able to comfort someone. And I’d bet you have at least one female friend who has gone through something similar. So I’m on your FI’s side here – you could talk to him, or any number of other people. I say stay clear of your ex. Also, just putting this out there: if your ex is single, his motives may not be pure.

Post # 12
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Everdeen:  Just remember to not assume your Fiance can’t relate because he hasn’t “been through the pain” or something. Empathy is a powerful thing and you must let him in enough for him to see the hurt. This is what he is there for, this is the “in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health” part of the vows which you will be taking soon and you need to give him the chance to step up to the plate. 

If my SO was hurting I would be devastated to think that he didn’t feel that he could talk to me and that I might not fully understand. 


This, 100%!  

Post # 13
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I am so sorry to know what you are going through, but your fiance should be your shoulder to lean on or family/close friends. You know 100% you would be very upset that your fiance choose an ex to confide in when a very close family member died or got sick. Please re-think your engagement.

Post # 14
Member
9632 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree with PPs, seek help from a cancer support group, and your Fiance. Your Fiance should be the one to support you, even though he hasn’t gone through it, rather than your ex. There are many people in the world who are/have been going through what you are now, you don’t need to turn to someone you have had romantic feelings for.

Post # 16
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am sorry you are going through this. Just remember that your fiance’ will always be there for you no matter what. Just trust in him and lean on him. I am sure that is what he wants. I will pray for your grandpa and your family. 

The topic ‘Need advice: leaning on ex?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors