(Closed) Need Advice: Manipulating Mom/Problems Planning

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Book your church. She was probably just bluffing/being dramatic.

And if she DOES actually refuse to attend because you booked the church of your choice to be married in and paid for it yourself, well… that’s on her. No one with half a reasonable brain will fault you for it.

My advice is to continue to do what you want/feel you need to do for yourself, and to do it joyfully and guilt-free. From what you described in your post, you’re currently doing nothing wrong. By doing your best to reach out to her and take some of her advice so that she feels like she’s a part of everything, you’re actually doing MORE than what is required of you as a human being.

The only thing you are NOT doing for your mom is allowing her to manipulate you. Boo hoo for her. It’s not your job, role or duty to let your mom jerk you around so she can satisfy whatever needy vortex of immature emotional needs exists inside of her.

Do what you want, do it joyfully, continue to be as nice, warm and welcoming to your mom as you can be – but don’t feel guilty for drawing boundaries and refusing to allow people to step over them, even if she IS your mom. It’s not your fault for having your own desires and boundaries – it’s your mom’s fault for refusing to respect them.

Post # 3
4040 posts
Honey bee

Don’t share anything with her – just let her be surprised. My Mother-In-Law was surprised. We told her the date, in advance, and sent her an invitation, and she showed up for the wedding. (She didn’t even show up for the rehearsal dinner, that she paid for). As my husband always says, “no pay, no say!”

Post # 6
46 posts

Your mom is being manipulative and controlling. (I say this as a MOB who suggested a few things my daughter didn’t/want to do, when I suggested it again, she gently reminded me it was her wedding – I got the hint. 🙂 ).


You sound like you’re handling her well, stand your ground and politely tell her that you’ve discussed this before and the answer is not open for discussion. I would speak to the manager about your mom being overly dramatic and book it yourself  as well as sharing less with her (as she doesn’t seem to be able to stop herself.) Don’t bother trying to discuss it again, I don’t think it will do any good.  From what you’ve said, she may overreact initially but then pretend it didn’t happen later.

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