Post # 1
I need some input on a family situation.
My nephew is soon to be marying a woman who has been married twice before and has three children.
She is pregnant now,
People are asking about giving them sowers and I am not sure what to say,
It is my nephews first marriage and first child. Does that make a difference in whether they have baby/wedding showers or not?
Back in the "olden times" we only had showers for the first baby but I have been to several for subsequent babies lately.
She is planning large fancy wedding and wearing yet another white gown.
While I understand it is his first marriage…What is proper nowadays? Are there even any more rules of etiqutte now?
Thanks for any advice/input you can share.
Post # 3
Seems like now people do whatever they want.
I think a shower for a 4th baby is a little much. Maybe if this baby is far spaced from the others and the mom doesn’t have any baby items left over. Otherwise I still believe the practice is to have a shower only for the first baby (that’s how my family does it, and how it’s done in all the places I have worked with pregnant coworkers).
Also, a bridal shower for a bride’s 3rd wedding is a little much- especially since she and your nephew probably have all the items they need to make a home. If anything- I could see holding a themed shower- ie a lingerie shower (gifts of lingerie), a stock the bar shower (guests bring bottle of liquor), etc.
If I was invited to either of those showers, I would probably attend and bring a small, token gift to be polite- but (barring special circumstances) I would be feeling like the bride/mom was being greedy having done all of these things we’re supposed to be celebrating several times before.
Post # 4
what if theres a DAD shower for the baby? Where he could get some good gear for dudes- a manish diaper bag, some books geared for dads, some silly shirts, etc. Make it co-ed, and serve bbq style food, but be clear on the invite this is a "stock the dad" shower.
IF you think your nephew would even be into something like that. Since its still his first baby-
Post # 5
Ok since my posting I have been told an aunt is giving a baby shower because it is john’s first baby so that is a moot ppoint at this time. I should add the baby will be born before the wedding.
I am extremely close to my nephew and would like to do something for him even though she has been there done that a couple times already.
Would my giving an engagement party be out of line or in bad taste?
Nothing extravagant but maybe a BBQ party at my home just to have fun, let people meet each other from both families…give their friends a chance to say Congratualtions…let her children meet more of the fmaily so they will feel comfortable…..etc.
Would this replace a wedding shower?
John is so into having a nice wedding. He is stepping right into the *ready made family* role. I am proud of him and love him dearly but want to do what is right.
Some of my husband’s family thinks since he chose a woman in her situation he forfeited the right to the same things a man marrying a first time woman would get.
You cannot choose who you fall in love with and who knows,,,,the third time might really be the charm.
Post # 6
I actually was going to suggest that an engagement party would be a nice way to celebrate. I say go for it!
Post # 7
@loving mom: I think your attitude is just so lovely, sweet and caring. your nephew is lucky to have such a loving aunt who cares deeply about him and his new family. go for the engagement party! i think a nice gathering for the family to meet each other and to wish the couple good luck is a wonderful idea. My Fiance is divorced but this is my first (and hopefully) only marriage. I would feel very hurt, sad and disappointed if my family and/or his believed that his time was already done and there shouldn’t be any celebrations for us like there are for other about-to-be married couples. yes, she may have had all of this before for her other marriages, but these celebrations honor them as a new couple, so bring on the parties!
Post # 8
I’d say an engagement party would be nice-and I’m all about a man’s baby shower. I’m a teacher and basically the rule is that we give showers at the school that you work at for the first baby. If that teacher gets pregnant again while they still work at that school-there is usually some type of shower, but it’s not as large as the first one-ie: gift card shower, diaper shower, etc. If the mom is expecting a different gender baby-they already have the baby equipment that they need, but we usually do boy items for a mom who had a girl the first time, etc.
Couples showers are also nice for encores-which is one of the showers that is being throw for us. We’ve registered at Sears and Home Depot, as well as for our honeymoon-I think many of these gifts will come from our non-traditional selections. Nothing says romance like a box of heavy duty lawn and leaf bags! LOL! It is more about the fellowship & celebration than it is about the gifts the 2nd time around for sure.
I should also probably note that I taught in a different county when I got married the first time-quite a long time ago and I also taught at a different school in the county that I work in now when I was pregnant with the twins. It may not make a difference, but I think it does when people who showered me for my first wedding will not be involved with my shower for my second wedding. I actually didn’t think that anyone would throw me a bridal shower-I certainly didn’t expect it-but two different girlfriends offered-one of those to have it at her house and then another girlfriend asked me if anyone had talked to me about throwing David and I a shower, and then another girlfriend asked that one-so there are 4 hostesses now for our couples shower-which will be a very informal, kid friendly cook out at one of their houses. Laid back & celebratory!
I don’t think that fellas who are newbies should have to miss out on all of the fun just because the bride is an encore-just my feelings. I understand that she’s already had her celebreations, but he does deserve some of the fun. I really like the idea of a man’s baby shower-that sounds like fun! I’ve thrown one of these-we had a cookout and decked dad out with all of the gear-it was fun!