(Closed) Need advice— mom hates partner of 8 years

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Based on what you said, it doesn’t sound like her mind will ever be changed. If you’re going to move forward with marrying your bf you need to set some serious boundaries with your mom. You should also find a different friend to talk with about your relationship.

Of course you love your mother, but invading someone’s privacy by reading their diary and holding onto an issue that was resolve 8 years ago isn’t something a best friend does. Nor does forcing someone to choose between them and someone they love which sounds like what she’s doing to you. 

Post # 3
Member
590 posts
Busy bee

This is tough, Bee. Your mom is incredibly disrepectful to your bf. I’m not even sure how he’s put up with that, but obviously he loves you very much to continue to deal with this. 

You’re not going to be able to change your mom’s mind or force her to be happy for you. So you’re just going to have to move forward with your life and make the choices that are right for you. It sucks not to have your mom’s approval, but unfortunately that’s part of dealing with someone who has mental health issues. 

Post # 4
Member
7800 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Your family seems way to involved…they really expected him to drive 6h while he was studying for his CPA or when he started a new job???

I feel so bad for this guy. Everyone but your dad is talking shit about him – what are you saying about this? Are you standing up for him? 

Honestly if she is still holding onto shit from 8 years ago, its unlikely she is going to change. I’m downright flabberghasted as to how someone can be your best friend and talk shit about the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I’d be pretty pissed if I heard my husband was letting his family talk about me that way behind my back.

Post # 5
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2023

You leave it be. They may never have a relationship. Your brother and his wife need to grow up and mind their own business. Being upset he doesn’t spend time with them is childish. He has a life and is allowed to lead it. 

 

I have a daughter who makes teally bad relationship choices. Her bf/fiancé will never be allowed in my house or any family members house. That is just the way it is. When I get married he isn’t invited if he lasts that long. If she doesn’t come over it, then so be it. 

Post # 6
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee

Keep your mom out of your life. Never speak to her again. Also stop speaking to your brother and his wife, they are 2faced backstabbers. All three of them are toxic.

Sounds like the only good person in your family is your dad. Call him, invite him only, and accept his absence if he chooses not to come without your mom.

Post # 7
Member
1824 posts
Buzzing bee

I always think it’s best to just concentrate on nurturing the good relationships you do have in your life, and not focusing on the others. Your mum probably never will be close to him, it is what it is. Focus on your dad and others who support you xo

Post # 8
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Your choice of spouse is your choice. This will be your partner every day, not just for when you go on a family vacation with your brother. While your relationship with your mom is clearly important, she’s giving you an unfair ultimatum. And your brother just sounds annoying. Being mad because you can’t take a vacation right after he starts a new job ? REALLY? Ugh. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. 

I have a lot of family pressure and D H helps relieve my stress. I hope your SO does the same for you. 

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