Post # 77
I’m in a similar situation, but FI’s ex had done so much to hurt his family before I came along that they already had their guard up with her. But my Mother-In-Law definitely eggs things on so she can have her own little soap opera. I am going to be part of their family, and I would expect them to stick up for me when it comes to her doing cruel things. For the most part by now, in my case, people don’t even flinch anymore when she does something completely insane because that’s how she’s always been and always will be. At first I DID NOT get this. I was always wondering why they didn’t stand up to her.
I don’t think you’re a bad guy at all. If it’s anything like my situation, they have just stopped getting worked up over the things she does. They probably know she’s prone to these things and she’s not going to stop whatever they say. The custody aggreement is going to backfire because she will no longer be able to use the child as ransom (we heard all the time, “If you don’t do what I say, you can’t see your child”)… and no one will have to kiss her butt for access to the child anymore. If it’s not that then your Mother-In-Law may just not be the type of person to stick up for others.
Sorry this is being thrown at you right before your wedding, just remember that it will all pass in time and the most important thing is to do what’s best for your stepson, which is to tolerate his mother.
Post # 78
What do you mean by ‘equal’ in this case?
I feel for you because my Future Sister-In-Law (thank God not an ex-wife!) feels like she is my ‘equal’ –for her that means attention, things done to her specifications/convenience at the wedding, etc. Is that what you are seeing your Mother-In-Law do to/for the ex-wife that is making you feel unhappy?
IN FRONT OF her son, she needs to be treated civilly, hospitably, and like an important family member by your Future Mother-In-Law, because otherwise her son will resent that side of the family AND any badmouthing that is done to him by her will seem valid. OUTSIDE of her role as a parent, what dealings does she have with you– or your FMIL– at all?