(Closed) Need advice on a bachlorette party situation

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

You aren’t being totally unreasonable.  But you should’ve thought ahead when you were asked to stand up in the wedding.  You should attend this party, all parts of it, unless there is some major obstacle. 

The bride expressed being “okay” with your intention because she doesn’t want to start a fight with you.  But as a bridesmaid, you really should be there.  Get a ride or use public transportation if it’s available. 

If you truly felt her friends are trashy, again, you shouldn’t have accepted standing up in the wedding.  When they went to get dresses, you couldn’t leave work a little earlier that day?  Put yourself in the brides shoes – wouldn’t you want all of your girls to be there?

Post # 4
Member
3831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I dont think that is an issue.  My SIL had her bachelorette 5 hours away from me.  I couldnt go at all. I would have like to, but it wasn’t my issue. 

In all honesty, i dont think the bachelorette is a massive deal. She is your FSIL not your best friend. You are making the effort to go. That is all she should expect. I dont expect my FSIL to be at mine at all. If she wants to come i will welcome her but i definitely wont be offended. 

Post # 5
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@jj830:  I understand that you don’t want to drink and drive but in my opinion you should make every attempt to be there. Asking someone to be a part of your wedding is a big deal. The bride obviously thinks of you as someone special so you should support her throughout everything no matter how her friends are.

Post # 6
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

An hour is not far. One of my bridesmaids lives in London and she took off of work for a whole week so she could participate in everything. You agreed so you have to suck it up for your brother and step it up.

It’ll make for a good story later.

Post # 7
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

An hour is not far. One of my bridesmaids lives in London and she took off of work for a whole week so she could participate in everything. You agreed so you have to suck it up for your brother and step it up.

It’ll make for a good story later.

Post # 8
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

If you aren’t comfortable, you don’t HAVE to go. But the reason she is upset is because she really wants you to be there- and that is nice. My bachelorette was this past weekend, and it was 2 hours away for everyone, 3.5 hours away for me. It was amazing, and I really appreciated the effort all the girls took to be there.

I think it’s nice she wants you to be there (although the snarky texts aren’t nice) and you should go if you can.

Post # 9
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It is 100% up to you to decide what parts of the bachelorette party to attend.  You were upfront with the bride from the beginning, and this is a party, not a court summons.  You are not REQUIRED to do anything for it.  I don’t think you are being difficult or unreasonable at all, and your brother needs to take a step back and stop hounding you.

Post # 10
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - The Chapel of the Sir Christopher Wren Building, 2007 Legacy Hall

Personally I wouldn’t think it was a big deal if one of my bridesmaids couldn’t make it to the entire celebration. In fact, one of my own BMs didn’t come at all because she lives in a different state. That being said, it seems like you being there for the night is super-important to your FSIL.

A couple months ago I was asked to go to a bachelorette party for a girl who is actually a friend of my husband’s. It was an out-of-town (6 hour drive away) weekend. I, like you, felt super-awkward being the ONLY one who wasn’t one of the bride’s best friends. In the end, it seemed important to the bride that I be there and I went. I had a fantastic time and became closer friends with her friends and family. I know this was the best-case scenario, but if you think about it, it really is only one night.

The decision is really up to you, but the bride IS going to be your SIL. It could be a great bonding time and also keep the peace!

Post # 11
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree that this is in no way a requirement; however your new SIL wanting you to be there does speak volumes. 

Plus if you did want to make it happen, you could. You could not drink, so that you could drive back since you are not comfortable sleeping at someones house, but will still be participating. Is this ideal, no – but it really just depends on how much of an effort you are willing to make or not make to participate. 

Post # 12
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Being a bridesmaid does not mean you have to attend every pre-wedding function. You are participating in a big part of the celebration.

 

Although I think the other women are being very immature in their texts to you, could you perhaps have a bottle of champagne purchased for the dinner as a good-will gesture?

Post # 13
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

Agreed that it is not a court summons. If I were going to only do 1 event with them ( people I don’t know or barely know), I would rather do dinner and drinks than meeting them out afterwards. 

Post # 14
Member
3002 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t think its really that big of a deal if you miss part of it. I think its easy for some to say ‘well just don’t drink’ but the truth of the matter is that for events like that, pretty much everyone ends up drinking. I would see the way its being handled as one of those ‘if its not one thing, its the other’ situations. If you go to both parts and say you won’t drink, it’ll become a huge issue that you aren’t staying the night. If you say you’ll stay the night, it’ll become a huge issue that you didn’t agree to do it in the first place. But that’s just my experience with women like this.

Post # 15
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think that you should go to ALL of it, its a time for bonding. For you to get to know all the other girls. Limit your drinking so you can drive home, so you dont have to stay at someone elses place.

Post # 16
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@Mrs. Hawk:  I have to agree.. I forgot to mention in my post that I had my sister, FSIL, friends from school, friends from university, family friends, etc at my party and everyone got along and became friends! Each day I see another set of them becoming FB friends. 

You will likely get to know them all better if you decide to go:)

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