(Closed) need advice on co-worker online chatting situation

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you think this kind of relationship is okay?
    I would be fine/comfortable if my FI did this and I think you are completely overeacting : (16 votes)
    40 %
    I would NOT be comfortable with this, and something should be said : (19 votes)
    48 %
    I would NOT be comfortable with this, but I wouldnt say anything : (4 votes)
    10 %
    Other- suggestions below : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1363 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I would not be comfortable. But it’s like you said, what if you never read a single post on here? What do you believe in your heart? Everyone is different. For me, I would be thinking more along the lines of emotional cheating. Like “Honey, I’m sitting right here if you want to chat”.

    If this is ok for you and in your heart then don’t let your imagination get carried away with you.

    You can also just talk to him about it and let him ease your worry.

    Post # 5
    Member
    242 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I have friends of the opposite sex with whom I chat throughout the day at work often. These friends and I have few things in common since we met during high school or college and are now living in different countries/cities, have different jobs, and are in different stages in life. Our conversation topics are VERY varied. Sometimes it’s about our jobs, often we talk about things on the news, acquaintances we have in common, or about past and future trips, the best online shopping deals, or even which credit cards we like best! I enjoy these conversations and nothing inappropriate is ever said. I don’t tell my husband about every single conversation because frankly, they’re pretty mundane, but he knows we keep in touch through chat when I’m at work. 

    If the message exchange was not inappropriate/of an intimate nature and they’re just conversing as friends, I’d just forget you ever saw it. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    5221 posts
    Bee Keeper

    My Fiance has a IM system at work that I know he talks to other co workers on… and it doesn’t bother me. I have seen messages/texts/ FB chat conversations between him and other women ( I have been sitting next to him or he has volunteered the information) and it has been harmless. He has several good friends that are other females, and it is strictly platonic.

    Although… my  Fiance is NOT the best phone/text/IM communicator since his answers always end in  abrupt “yes”, “no”, “maybe” or “cool” … so I doubt those types of responses inspire much conversation on a more intimate level.

    I would go with you gut feeling on this one… only you and him know what is considered appropriate within your own relationship and what boundaries you have set as a couple.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2463 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    i think a key question to ask yourself is, would you be uncomfortable if he were having these conversations with a male friend? if the answer is no, and it’s really just a platonic conversation, then i really think you have nothing to worry about. one of my hubby’s close friends is a (married) woman he went to college with and they gchat and talk often, but it doesn’t bother me at all since it’s usually about sports or music or people they both know, etc–ie, totally the same kind of convo he has with his guy friends.

    though, if he’s talking to her instead of you about important things, then that would concern me too; you mentioned he has messaged her while he’s with you; is that like, while you’re having a conversation or doing something together, or just like watching tv/in the same room?

    Post # 8
    Member
    5011 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I think you’re over-reacting. Would you be as stressed if it were a man he was talking to? I’m guessing not.

    Just because he’s talking to another woman (who I assume is fully aware of your existence) does not mean that he’s going to cheat.

    If you’re feeling very insecure about it, you should talk to him, but he may be quite upset that you don’t trust him enough to talk to any woman on the same level he would a man.

    Post # 9
    Member
    814 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I don’t understand the problem. He hasn’t cheated on you (or done anything similar in message form) and he’s not hiding anything from you. Men have close female friends, maybe he just enjoys talking to her. Really I wouldn’t worry about it, he hasn’t done anything wrong and from the sounds of it he’s not going to.

    Post # 10
    Member
    4887 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I wouldn’t worry about this at all, to be honest.  Try not to feel insecure – absolutely nothing scandalous or shady has happened, so he should be free to keep this friendship, especially since its on such a work/school related level.  No worries!

    Post # 12
    Member
    5011 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @allyk522: My fiance has way more female friends than male friends and he’s always chatting to them on Facebook, but he doesn’t feel anything more for them than friendship (nor they for him).

    Do you chat to male friends?

    Post # 13
    Member
    10714 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    If it were happening to me I’d be scared and upset. But that’s just because I’ve been down that road many many times now… I no longer have automatic trust I question everything. 

    On another note…. If you think they talk too much maybe you could just talk to your Fiance about it?

    Post # 15
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I didn’t read all the other posters but … I’d be uncomortable about this and I’d say something.  Not a demand but … hey why do you talk to her so much?  and take it from there.  I mean something IS making you question it so i’d mention it.

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