(Closed) Need advice on dealing with family.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Very simple put both of your grandparents name on the invitation and say 2 seats are reserved in your honor. That makes it clear who is invited.

However she’s gonna get pissed off and harass you about it so brace yourself I don’t see a way around that.

Post # 4
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Sorry to hear that, sounds like a rough situation. My suggestion would be to send her a polite note explaining why you are sorry but are not comfortable inviting her.  If possible also try to explain to your grandparents privately beforehand, that way it won’t come as a surprise to them.

 

Post # 5
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@imalittlebirdie:  I agree with this. There isn’t any way you can address it directly without starting a huge fight. I may also talk to my grandparents directly about it as well to let them know the situation.

Post # 7
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with other posters- address an invite to your grandparents, with 2 seats reserved in their honour listed on the reply card. 

If you can before the invite goes out, maybe take your grandparents aside, let them know your wishes to not have your aunt there because of the way she has treated you. Your grandparents probably would not be too keen on the disrespect your aunt has shown you and hopefully will understand the reason why you do not want her there on your special day. A wedding is a day where everything is “perfect” and all about you and Fiance. Don’t let others, family or otherwise rain on your parade!

Side note – hopefully this isn’t necessary, but if you really feel that she may crash your wedding, is there a close friend or someone you can ask to sort of keep an eye out for her and politely let her know she is not welcome to join in on the reception/ceremony?  I know we have a coordinator at our reception hall that is part of the venue’s packages we purchased, that might be the type of person who could be your ‘security’ if necessary… 

Best of luck, I’m sorry this is such an icky scenario for you. Keep your chin up – this is YOUR wedding! ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 9
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

i would tell her point blank that since you don’t condone her behavior, she will not be invited to your wedding, You need to stand up for yourself

Post # 10
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Stop trying to avoid WWWIII.  Sometimes these wars have to take place.

I had to deal with a TON of drama around the wedding.  I hated every single second of it.  What I didn’t realize it was helping me stand my ground and prepare myself for marriage (and dealing with family drama in general).  Hind sight ๐Ÿ™‚  (all that to say – it will get better!)

My advice is to be direct.  I’d tell your grandparents your aunt is NOT invited.  And, I’d also message your aunt and tell her something like:  I’m sure you’ll hear of my upcoming wedding, since you are living with ‘x’.  I wanted you to know that you are not invited, as I feel you are not a supportive role in my life.  

She will get angry, she will likely harass you – but you don’t have to listen to it and you certainly don’t have to respond.  Just let her garbage wash off you – don’t read her messages – block her from FB, don’t take her calls, etc.

Post # 11
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

@Gracie8688:  Perfect! Hahah. ๐Ÿ˜›

It’s sucky that you have to even ask a friend to do that, but hey – I’ve heard some crazy stories, it’s not like you have to have them suited up in security gear ๐Ÿ˜‰ 

Post # 12
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I had this problem (well, very similar at least).  I had to get face-to-face with my grandmother and tell her that her son and his wife were not invited.  Period.  My mother then handled subsequent conversations (2 of them) about the “why” and “are you sure” and “what if this scenario happened instead” topics.  I did not mail my grandmother an invite (because I didn’t want it laying around with the time, date, location, etc…).  I did show her the invites I was in the process of making at the time of our face-to-face meeting.

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