(Closed) Need advice on early marriage

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
1474 posts
Bumble bee

 I looked back on previous posts and this seems like the same issue you had before you got married and glossed over in premarital counseling. Since it wasn’t properly addressed then, you’ll have to do the work to address it now or you’ll become more and more distant and closed off from your very new marriage. 

Right now, it seems like you have compatibility issues but you decided to get married in spite of realizing that and there must be a reason. So try to focus on that as you pursue counseling/ reconciliation. Force yourself to go home and spend time with him and communicate with him because that’s the only way this will be solved.  

Post # 3
4070 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

Counseling, for sure. But in the meantime, it’s OK to not want to discuss politics with your spouse. If that’s not a topic you can discuss without arguing, tell him that you’d like to avoid that topic. Find something you can talk about without causing a fight. Remember the reasons you love this man. You ignored some compatibility issues just to marry him, so there has to be a reason. Try to focus on those things and not the negative things. Make sure you’re communicating what you need with him. Maybe you need him to come along an a few adventures with you so you have new things to talk about! Maybe he needs you to get involved in one of him hobbies so you have that to talk about… find common ground with your spouse. It will take some work and effort from both of you but your marriage is worth some effort!

Post # 4
1474 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
springlilies28 : Just wanted to add because I am kinda curious… what is his special interest/ politics that he’s always talking about?

It seems like whatever it is it bothers you and has for awhile. Which makes me think it’s not something simple like disagreeing on tax structures or even a specific candidate but may actually be a difference in morals for him and perhaps you as well.

And if I’m right, then that’s something to go over in counseling. Not just the fact that he talks about it a lot. 

Post # 5
2563 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
springlilies28 :  

You can ask him to avoid these topics, not forever, but there is a lot of tension in current politics and its spreading into your home. Make him understand that he has every right to his opinion and to express it, but lets try to limit it. 

Also, you have admittedly pulled away so you have to do your part here, too. Plan a nice date, come home and cuddle on the couch for a movie, go to a concert, the zoo, find a way to connect. Small weekend trip before the honeymoon?

But 100% counseling. For yourself and for the both of you.  If you cant find someone in your area, try online. There are websites and apps that will put you in touch with one to do phone or skype calls. 

Post # 6
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

You two haven’t really been together very long to begin with so you’re in that difficult second stage of a relationship that most of us go through while we’re still dating. The first year of dating is often a honeymoon period and now you’ve gotten more settled into the relationship. Adjusting to living together can be hard enough for couples who’ve been together years and it sounds like you haven’t had to work much on the relationship up until now. 

Making this marriage work will require that you both acknowledge that it isn’t working right now, and that you both put in the effort to try and understand the desires of the other. For example, you may consider staying home on week nights and one day each weekend, cuddling, watching tv, reading together, or just quiet walks in the lark. He might also consider joining you one day/night a weekend and going out to meet some friends at a restaurant, going bowling or to an arcade etc. 

GL bee!

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