- 2 years ago
Hi Bees, Married in the fall of 2019. It was a beautiful day. We are planning our honeymoon now, we couldn’t go due to work.
Lately I’ve been having a hard time — and I don’t know if it’s reality settling in, my spouse, me (depressed) or a mix of them all. I am actively seeking a counselor but the search has been challenging as the demand is high where I live.
Me: Outgoing, busy bee, lots of friends, and wanting to try new things and travel. I have my ups and downs, but overall I try to keep it positive.
Husband: calm, quiet, introverted, sensitive, intelligent, cuddly, not so adventurous, into his hobbies, no friends only acquaintances.
At first these were all really admirable qualities, he was attentive, smart and he liked me being the “planner.” Now my drive to come home and spend time with him is literally gone, I’d rather be at the gym or with friends. All he wants to talk is politics, spend hours on the computer with his back toward me, or about his special interest. We don’t’ have dinners together anymore and it’s partly I avoid them because I don’t like our conversations — it feels like they always lead to fights where his views are correct because he has evidence to back them up, and my ideas are invalid or weak. We are approaching our second anniversary of “being together” since we met. I am hoping this is just a phase and I can begin to see the good in him and our relationship but it is so hard right now, and I feel so unheard and like this relationship is bearing fruit. We have been married four months and to be honest, my gut feeling is “if this will be our relationship dynamic I don’t want this for me or my future children.” Has anyone gone through this?
To note: things between his mother and I as of late have been better, but some things were said 2 months back that have taken me a while to process and now I feel they’ve boiled up — things such as “you’re going to have a hard marriage (said to her son, which he relayed to me) and “you should have chosen wiser.” Part of me feels I’m pushing him away as a result of these things with self-talk like “maybe we are doomed.” We plan for a honeymoon in June, and I’m not exciteda bout planning it at this very moment. In the past I was.
Overall, I’m feeling alone, like I don’t want to spend time with my spouse due to different emotional needs and communication styles and wondering what in the world to do — other than to find a counselor.