(Closed) Need advice on FIL involvement in FI decisions…Am I overreacting?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

A few clarifying questions:

Who paid for the car originally? If your Fiance did, then he should definitely expect the $4000 – assuming he was contributing as well to his portion of the insurance.

I’m curious as to how old you guys are? It sounds as if your Fiance has a lot of financial/responsibility-making-decision ties to his parents still, based on their involvement with the car.

You said you’re worried about them ‘keeping their word’ – did they SAY they were going to give you the $4000, or did you assume?

If this is really bothering/worrying you, sit your Fiance down and have a discussion with him. It’s totally appropriate for you both to hope for and expect boundries when it comes to outside involvement in your decision-making, especially as it relates to financial decisions. This is a boundry though that HE needs to draw with his parents; but don’t expect him to be a mind reader and know how you feel. Also, when our parents are being super helpful (as it sounds as his parents are trying to be), it’s easy to fall back and rely on them, rather than standing and making our own way. But with you due to get married, it’s important to start pulling away and relying on EACH OTHER for those decisions. 

As to the wedding,  have your Fiance clarify exactly what number they plan on contributing, so that you can set a budget, and start planning. It’s not an unrealistic request; everyone needs a budget when they plan a wedding!

Post # 4
195 posts
Blushing bee

Hold on.. I’m confused as to why his parents are taking responsiblity of the cheque for his car???  How old is he?   Why doesn’t he have the money and make his own decision?

Post # 5
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree that there has to be some separation of finances between your Fiance and his parents. Who owned the car you totaled? If it was your Fiance, then he needs to get off of his parents’ insurance ASAP and buy his own car and get his own insurance. 

Post # 6
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

It seems to me that if his parents bought the car (even if your Fiance has been driving it), they have every right to the check from insurance.  Unless it was explictly given to your Fiance (at which point, it should have been moved to his name).

They are being very nice to give you some money for a new down-payment.  That said, sometimes money from others comes with strings.  Maybe for them, that “string” is having some say in what kind of car, how old of a car, etc that it goes towards. If you guys aren’t okay with those strings, fund the purchase yourselves.

Honestly, unless his parents are saying “You must buy THIS car”, it is probably helpful for them to be somewhat involved if this is your first time purchasing a vehicle.  I find it nice to have someone I trust how has been there before to guide me through the process.

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