(Closed) Need advice on FMIL!!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

WHAT IN THE WORLD???????? NO MA’AM!!!!!!!!

I think you are going to just have to FLAT OUT tell her. Either she pays for them or she only invites 80!

Post # 4
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Your fiancee is the one who must handle this issue. He needs to put his foot down with his mother and tell her that if she continues to act in this manner, she won’t be invited.  Or something. This situation sounds like it needs some tough words, and quick!

Post # 5
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’d tell her ok but that she better put her guest list in order of importance because only the first 80 will receive an invite. The End.

Post # 6
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Or maybe have your fiance tell her? Maybe talk to the father?

Post # 7
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Cheeks11: I LIKE THAT! 🙂 lol

Post # 8
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Have your Fiance tell her that she either cuts the list, or you cut it for her.  If she still refuses, follow through.  At least that way you’ll be able to incorporate the people you’ve gotten close to, and you’ll be able to cut the people that haven’t seen your Fiance since he was two months old. 

I seriously cannot stand these demanding parents, esp. when they’re not willing to foot the bill for all their ‘requirements’ at YOUR wedding.  ARRGH.

Post # 9
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow, I’m sorry she’s being so difficult. So both sides of the family are paying for their guests? If that’s the case, she HAS to cut down her list. It’s not fair to demand to have these people invited  when she can’t afford for them to come either. I’m sure if you talk to people and explain to them, they would understand. I would pick members of the family that mean the most to you. 

Post # 10
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@SoonToBeCollins29: I think she shouldn’t even have a list. Have you fiance ask her for a list of invites with addresses, etc. and tell her YOU and your FIANCE will be the ones deciding on who will get an invite according to YOUR budget. It’s your wedding, you should do the inviting, not her. If she was contributing financially, then yes it would be different and maybe you could allow her more leeway. As it stands, you can only do what you can…nothing more. Don’t even negotiate with her.

Post # 11
Member
46653 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Cheeks11:exactly what I would say-only I would have my fiance say it as she is HIS mom.

Post # 12
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Definitely have your Fiance do the talking.  Tell her she needs to get her list down to 80 by such and such date and if she doesn’t, he will be making the decision of who to invite out of her list.  The end. 

Post # 13
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@julies1949: Yes, you’re right. That would be the gracious thing to do Laughing

Post # 14
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2010

If I read this right, there are three guest lists: yours, his family’s and your family’s. And his family is paying for their guests and you expect your family to do the same. I’m unclear on who’s paying for your guests.

If this is the case, you can’t really give ultimatums, because it’s up to her how to spend her money.

I’d have your fiance explain how everything is being paid for, that neither you nor your parents can afford to pay for her guests – that the money just isn’t there, and that she is free to invite whomever she’d like, but she has to pay for them. If she doesn’t invite someone you want there, you and your FH will have to decide whether you can afford to pay to invite them.

Post # 15
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@julies1949:I agree completely!  That is just insane that she wants to invite more people and expects others to pay for it.  Time to put your foot down.  Well…the collective foot.  😉   And have SO be the one to tell her for sure. 

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