(Closed) Need advice on getting on the same page with my FI about our wedding budget

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

When we were talking budgets, Fiance said something like “Doesn’t the bride’s family pay for most of it?” I got a couple of library books, which stated that “up to 75% of weddings are paid for either by the couple or a combination of the couple and their parents…only 27% entirely by the bride’s parents.” (Even though her numbers don’t add up, thank you Anna Post, GGGD of Emily) I reminded him that “back in the day” there were dowries, and my Dad would have given him a couple of cows. :)-

If you can get a set dollar amount from his parents, as you did with your parents, that probably would help. Luckily both sets of our parents told us “we will contribute X,” so we know what we’re working with/what individual purchases we’re making.

I think that those items you listed- grooms attire, groomsmen gifts, parents gifts, rings, officiant, and honeymoon- all are “traditionally” groom’s side contributions. So I’d recommend getting a book or magazine that shows those traditional breakdowns. You’re totally correct- (most) guys don’t do bridal research, but most respond well to reference material.

Post # 4
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Do you expect the money to be from him or from his parents?  Once you’re married, his pot of money will be combined with yours anyway, right?  In that sense I don’t understand the concern.  Or do you expect his parents to be paying for things like groomsmen gifts?

Post # 7
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Our parents have been generous to help with our wedding as well and each side is paying for their number of guests (my side has a bit more) and then splitting everything else evenly (photographer, band, etc).  I won’t throw my dress and that kind of stuff into the mix as I feel this is a very fair arrangement!

He probably just needs things laid out more clearly for him.  Wishing you all the best!

Post # 8
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I understand where you’re coming from with the separate finances & it feeling weird for you to write checks to your fiance to cover things. The part I don’t understand is why the contribution from your parents is ‘your money’. Didn’t they gift it to both of you for the purpose of your wedding? If its more than enough to cover the wedding, why would either of you have to dip into your personal accounts? It doesn’t matter who pays what (his fam or yours). If I were you, I would put all the wedding related contributions in a joint account, and pay all your expenses that way & stop worrying about who paid what.

Post # 9
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would just sit down with him and both your parents have have them give you an exact amount of money. For example, the grooms parents will contribute $2000 and the bride $8000. Anything else will need to be covered by you and your Fiance. That way you will know exactly what is covered and what is not.

It sounds like your Fiance is assuming that he won’t have to put out a dime for your wedding. Maybe you need to explain to him that times have changed and that you both will have to somewhat contribute financially to the wedding. I am assuming that your parents have not given you an unlimited budget? I think this would be the easiest way that way you can figure out what the money from your parents will cover and what you two will have to pay for out of pocket.

Post # 11
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@les105:  I agree.  This is what we did.  My parents offered to pay for everything “within reason” minus whatever his parents wanted to contribute. We weren’t expecting much from his parents (he has a sister that we wanted the bulk of their “wedding” money to go to, and they don’t have a lot of money) but they gave us a certain amount of money.  We put that money into a joint account and have paid for everything we buy for the wedding ourselves (including gifts to the wedding party and personal things for the wedding) and asked my parents for checks for the big stuff.

Why would either of you go into debt to pay for a wedding when you have plenty there to pay for it.  If the rest of the money if going to the marriage, it’s just going to replace what you’ve spent on the wedding, right?

Post # 12
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Tigrrlily04:  

it just seemed weird that you said it was weird for you to write him a check for something when the check is being financed by shared money, not your own money. I wasn’t trying to offend, just trying to point out what your fiance might be thinking. I think if your parents’ money is enough to pay for odds & ends, then I personally would expect it to be used for that, and it seems like your fiance does, too. In the end, its all just shifting money around, and both of you will end up with the same amount once you’re married 🙂 I wouldn’t rock the boat over semantics, unless you feel like he’s being selfish/disrespectful about the situation, and that its a sign of future stinginess.

Post # 14
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

wow I CAN’T understand him asking to be reimbursed for stamps? I would think he would want to buy the groomsmen gift from his own money since its meant to be a gift from him to them. He does sound like he is acting very stingy

Post # 15
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I see your FI’s perspective in this.  There is currently a wedding fund in existence.  He made a wedding expenditure out of his own money and expected to be reimbursed from the wedding fund.  That seems fair. 

If the wedding fund is only YOUR wedding fund, then that is messed up and I would be pissed if I were your Fiance. 

Post # 16
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

@Tigrrlily04:  I think it is reasonable to expect the groom’s family to pay for whatever they offer to pay for.  Unless somebody offers to pay for something (withOUT being asked) it is the responsibility of the bride & groom to pay for everything.

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