(Closed) Need advice on guest list issue. What is the proper way to handle this?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I wouldn’t invite him. But if you’re invite to his I don’t think your wedding being close is a good excuse not to go. 

Post # 6
7719 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsWinTraining2014:  Your BIL’s brother and sisters are not your in-laws. You are under no obligation to invite any of them. Your Brother-In-Law married into your family. His brother and sisters did not.

But if you are close to his brother (close enough for him to invite you to his wedding by the sound of it), you can invite him as a *friend* if you want to. And if you do invite him as a friend, you are under no obligation to invite his sisters – just like you are under no obligation to invite the siblings of your other friends.

EDIT: But you have no reason to be p!ssed off that that he’s marrying a month before you, when he’s not even related to you. Sorry but you’re overreacting there.

Post # 7
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016 - Presidio Log Cabin

As PP said, you are under no obligation to invite all these extra people. I think these two statements should suffice:

  • “I am so sorry I am unable to be there. I anticipate having a lot on my plate in the weekends before my wedding, but I send my best wishes for a beautiful day.”
  • “We have very limited capacity at our wedding venue and unfortunately cannot extend the invitation to additional friends. Thank you so much for your understanding.”

It may also be worth it to call your Brother-In-Law directly to explain both of these points if this is something he actually would be offended over. And I probably wouldn’t bring this up to your mom again.

Post # 8
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

You absolutely do not have to invite them. However, not being able to go to his wedding that is 3 weeks before yours when it’s only 2 hours away isnt a great reason. It sounds like you just dont really want to go (which is fine!). I was not that busy 3 weeks before my wedding that EVERY weekend was “full.” I had a much larger wedding than 80 people and still wasnt that busy AND I worked the week before AND my husband wasnt there because he’s in the navy. 

Post # 9
8514 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@MrsWinTraining2014:  You invite who you want to your wedding.

However I think you are being really silly about not going to his wedding and for being upset that it is a month before your wedding.

Post # 10
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@julies1949:  +1

(But I will add, when wedding planning, easier said than done Yell)

Post # 12
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

Brother in law’s brother? Heeeeell no they ain’t invited! 

Post # 13
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MrsWinTraining2014:  unless this brother of your bil is a friend of yours, i can’t see why you would invite him.  invite who you want to invite. 

i don’t think the date of his wedding should interfere at all with your wedding.

Post # 14
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MrsWinTraining2014:  You should not invite him, but you should go to his. Unless there is a lot more to the story.

I had a big wedding (180) and I planned it all myself. 3 weeks before my wedding I went to another wedding out of state (all weekend event). Two weeks before my wedding I went to a Thursday-Monday conference (and worked the full work week before and after). The week before my wedding I was busy, but not unbelievably so. I worked up until the Thursday before the wedding. My wedding was not an excuse to get out of the conference or the other wedding.


Post # 15
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We didn’t invite any relatives of in-laws.  I don’t think it is expected unless you are close with them personally.  

Post # 16
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Haha the best thing I found to do about my wedding stuff?

Stop talking to my mom about it.
She has to have an opinion on EVERYTHING, and usually it’s a hurt-your-feelings or my-way-or-the-highway opinion and I just don’t want to deal with that.

Don’t invite your BIL’s brother, that’s just adding another crazy circle to guest list planning, which is, in itself, a bunch of crazy circles.

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