(Closed) Need advice on how to get FI's stepfather to back the F*** off. NWR.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Honestly just ignore him.  Did he move because they seperated?  Even if he did, especially if he did there is no need to bring it up.  Thats probably what he is looking for is a rise and lots of drama.

Post # 5
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Just ignore his text when he is rude.

Post # 6
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Kind of sounds like an ahole thing my Future Father-In-Law would do.  Hes a big ass.  But we all just ignore him, because that is exactly what he wants is a rise. 

Post # 7
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@brandybelle:  We plan on talking to Future Mother-In-Law about on Sunday, but I don’t think he will do anything. I thought about texting him and telling him to stop texting me, but I can’t think of anyway to do it without sounding rude and childish. I also thought about bringing my family into it, but I am not ready to start another family fued.

What good is telling your Mother-In-Law going to do?  Or telling your family about it?  I’m lost on this, what exactly is your line of reasoning for this?

Your Fiance is a big boy and he needs to handle this.  He needs to call his Dad and tell him he is an adult and is responsible for his own relationships… he does NOT need his Dad to run interference.  Furthermore, it is your FI’s responsibility to speak with his Dad about how he’s treating you/communicating with you.

Post # 9
Member
3774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

Your fi is going to have to be the one to tell him to stop.  If it comes from you it will turn out badly.  It is his family so it is his responsibility to negotiate the relationship.

Post # 10
Member
1033 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

What a jerk, it is not your fault that had to move for work. If he was so concerned about her birthday he should have come home for the weekend. 

Don’t let him make you feel bad. Just see them when you can/want and ignore him. 

 

Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
1547 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

i would make your Fiance answer him “why dont YOU spend time with her? it’s not our fault you left” so he feels guilty and stop texting things like that… but it would probably not turn out well…

Post # 12
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Oh, so they are still married but he moved for work. Is she never moving, too?

Post # 13
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Is it possible to just completely ignore him, both of you? He is probably just trying to cause problems, and if you two are not responsive it wouldn’t be much fun for him and maybe he would stop? Sorry you are in this situation, it sounds frustrating! If there is any confrontation though, I agree with PP that it should be your Fiance that does it. Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d block his number, honestly, but that’s after years of dealing with emotional parasites.

You could be snarky.  I really like Anamagana’s suggestion.  You could also do a, “Aw, thanks, but I remember, since I’ve been celebrating her birthday for a lot longer than you have.  Sorry if you wanted a reminder from me, how rude of me to forget that you’re far more likely to forget these things than I am!  It would never occur to me that you would need a reminder, but from now on I’ll try and remind you about these sorts of things.”

I’m not entirely joking.  If he won’t get the hint, ask him nicely to back off.  “I appreciate that you want my mother and sister taken care of, but I’m perfectly capable of remembering these things on my own, and I do them on my own without you asking.  It’s a little bit insulting that you think I won’t.”  If THAT doesn’t work, seriously, start responding in kind.  Text him randomly to remind him to call them.  Text him the night before important events to remind him to get ready to call the next day; or a few days in advance to remind him to send a card.  If he asks you to stop, tell him you assumed he wanted you to respond to his “help” in kind.  Maybe then he’ll get the message.

Post # 15
Hostess
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t see how bringing your family into this could turn out well. Future Father-In-Law is overstepping his bounds, but your family would be doing the same thing if you asked them to insert themselves into your conflict. Have Fiance talk to him or his mother, or just ignore him. 

Post # 16
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@brandybelle:  Ok.  I also didn’t realize his Mom and stepdad were together… I figured he moved after divorce/separation.  I still think your Fiance should start by stepping up and trying to handle on his own before dragging his Mom into the mix.

The topic ‘Need advice on how to get FI's stepfather to back the F*** off. NWR.’ is closed to new replies.

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