- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
SO and I are good friends with this couple. Since I started dating SO, the four of us have hung out pretty often. We are all in our mid to late twenties, if that matters. Anyway, they do have a 6 year old daughter. She is the sweetest little girl. And the couple–let’s call them Ron and Veronica, Anchorman is on TV tonight lol–are great people. We love hanging out with them and we always have a blast.
But there are a couple issues.
Their house is dirty. I mean, really really dirty. Filthy. Ron and Veronica never do any cleaning. Their house is cluttered and messy. Last time I was over there, I went into the bathroom and their bathroom sink was just covered with dried toothpaste and hair. It was disgusting.
What really contributes to the mess is that they have three big dogs and they just adopted a medium sized dog from the shelter. They also have three cats. They are constantly taking in new animals and fostering them. All of their pets are rescues. They have a big heart when it comes to animals. Veronica talks about going to the shelter all the time. But this makes the house smell awful. When we were there last time, SO and I walked in and were immediately hit with a horrible smell of dirty cat litter. I honestly had a lot of trouble maintaining a normal expression on my face.
Another issue is that they don’t train their dogs properly. Their dogs are very sweet and friendly. But TOO friendly. Every time SO and I go over there, their dogs jump up on us to greet us and they lick us to death. Which wouldn’t be an issue except these are big dogs really. I end up hiding behind SO until the dogs calm down. Last time we were over there, the dogs were in the backyard. Before Veronica let them in, she said to us jokingly, “Ready to be mauled?”
Then the dogs came running in. It had been raining outside so the ground was very muddy. They tracked in mud all over the carpet. They got mud on my new tennis shoes and pants. I was very irritated but tried hard to hide it.
And what’s worse is that Ron and Veronica don’t seem to be aware that their house is dirty!
Case in point? Remember how I said they had JUST adopted a new dog from the shelter? Well, Veronica was talking to us about how the new dog was still very shy of people. And she was trying to get this new dog to come greet us.
And she said this to SO. “Why don’t you lay down on the carpet? That’s what I do! Lay down on the carpet and he’ll come to you!”
Now this was after the dogs came in and tracked mud all over the floor. SO hesitated and looked at me. I knew exactly what he was thinking. SO did not want to get down on the floor. The very dirty, hairy, filthy, muddy floor.
But I could not think of a way for him to politely say no. Neither could he. So SO got down on the floor. He kneeled next to the new dog for a few minutes then got back up on the couch as fast as he possibly could without offending Veronica.
And of course, his pants were covered in pet hair and mud.
We didn’t stay long after that. We made up an excuse about how SO had to be at work early in the morning so we left. As soon as we got back to my apartment, we threw our clothes into the washer.
You’re probably wondering why SO and I even bother to go to their house anymore. Well when I first started dating SO (about a year and a half ago), their house wasn’t this bad. But it seems to have gotten progressively worse.
We also live in a rural area and there’s not really that many places for us all to go hang out. Plus I am hard of hearing and I prefer quiet places where I can keep up with the group conversation. So that limits the number of available places even more.
The four of us also don’t make a lot of money. More so Ron and Veronica. Whenever we suggest activities that cost money (no matter how cheap the activities are), they suggest that we hang out at their house instead.
SO and I have tried inviting them over to my apartment instead. But they always seem to say no. They don’t seem to like driving that far (even though I’m only about 45 minutes away). Plus they have to find a sitter for their 6 year old daughter.
SO and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. Whenever they invite us over lately, we find ways to say no most of the time. But we can’t do that forever. Plus I think they are starting to notice that something is up.
So what do we do? Just suck it up and go over there? Be “mauled” by their dogs? Have our clothes covered in hair? Try to ignore the smell of their house?
We don’t want to lose their friendship. Aside from their house, they are a great couple to hang out with.
The only possible solution I can see is that SO is planning on getting his own apartment within the next two months. He lives with his parents right now but he is currently apartment hunting. And when he gets a place, he’ll be living much closer to them than I am. So maybe then, they will be more willing to come visit us at his apartment instead of us going to see them.
But that’s still iffy because they would still have to get a sitter for their daughter.
Sigh. I don’t know. I’ve toyed with the idea of gently telling Veronica that she needs to clean her house. But I cannot think of a polite way of telling her. I mean, that would most likely destroy our friendship.
But I geniunely think that Ron and Veronica are not aware of how dirty their house is! They seem to think it’s normal.
So how would you handle this situation? Would you bite the bullet and tell them why you don’t want to go to their house, even if it costs you the friendship? Or would you just suck it up and just limit the times you go over there? Or any other possible course of action?