(Closed) Need advice on major life decision

posted 7 years ago in Home
Post # 3
47278 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There is always a compromise position. Can you find a place you could stay over at least a couple of nights a week? I did that once. I rented a room from a sweet lady who only charged me for the nights I used the room.

For me,the length of your commute would be out of the question, but I know it is a reality for many people.

Post # 4
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Have you considered for now renting an apartment or home a bit closer to where you work, and in the meantime renting out the home that you currently own? That way if you ever want to move back to the house, it’s still yours, and not selling would mean you wouldn’t take a loss on it.

Or what about moving half-way closer between your current home and your job? I assume you work in a city, so the closer you get to your work, the more expensive housing is? If you moved closer without moving RIGHT into the city, maybe you could find a place that is still reasonably priced, and even though you’d still have a commute, it wouldn’t be 3-6 hours a day.

Post # 5
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If I were in your position, I would definitely push for the move. I, too, have terrible road rage, and I also value my time more than to be stuck in my car, FUMING, for 3-5 hours per day. (It would only be a matter of time before I died of a heart attack or got in an accident) It’s not good for you or anyone. Furthermore, I would strengthen my argument to my sweetie by calculating the amount of money spent on gas and car wear & tear to show that the *cheap* house in the ‘burbs has many hidden financial as well as emotional and health costs. Start looking and see if you can find something, somewhere you both like.

Post # 6
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I really would move.  You are wasting 3 to 6 hours a day driving!  That is eating up a lot of time and gas money as others have said!  Even if you were just half the distance, it it still a lot better.

Post # 7
1153 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

The cost of your mental and emotional health is invaluable. You simply can not put a price on that. Plus I would go crazy if I had to spend that much time in my car and I drive a hybrid. 

Should you choose to move would if affect your husbands work commute at all?

Post # 9
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Mexico

If it’s not further for your fiance’s commute, I’d say definitely move. It’d be a no-brainer for me. That commute is ridiculous, especially once you have a family.

Post # 10
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@pink0815:  Have you looked into getting a crashpad? A lot of flight attendants/airline employees all share an apartment and only use it for a few nights out of the month.

Post # 11
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would move. None of the stuff you listed is worth the stress of such a long commute, in my opinion. The fact that you can move and also be closer to your FI’s job seals the deal for me.

Post # 12
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Agree with all PPs.  You should 100% move.  You mentioned kids, if you seriously are gone 12 hours a day commuting back and forth you will barely be able to see them! If you just bought your house 2 years ago, are you sure you would lose money selling it?  You might be able to break even (obviously I don’t know the market you live in).  I think you might as well cut your losses now, because I really can’t imagine you sustaining this lifestyle when you have children.

Post # 14
358 posts
Helper bee

From your pros and cons list it looks like moving would be the better option for now but in the future it seams better to stay.  Like you said better schools, lower housing prices, staying home when you have kids all seam like bigger reasons than waking up early and driving an hour and a half most days.  Maybe you can rent an apartment near your job for a few years then move back into your home when you have kids and are ready to settle down for good 

Post # 15
358 posts
Helper bee

Also have you looked into bus options? I commute into the city a few times a week and always take the bus to bypass traffic, it’s wonderful!  Many places have park and rides where you can drive to a bus stop, park and then take the bus there and back.  That way you could sleep in later and not have to deal with traffic and road rage

Post # 16
1511 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Does your husaband work as well? What is his commute, and why do your future kids have to be at day care so long? Can’t he pick them up intead?


Without knowing the answeres to those questions, I would say think loing term and eep commuting. It’s a sacrifice, and while you won’t enjoy instant ratificatoin, you’ll be glad you saved the money to have the freedom to do what you want later in life. When you have kids that’s when you’ll beed the flixibility, not now. Maybe you can treat yourself to weekend massage and spa treatments to help with the stress in the meantime? And maybe negotiate with your job that you’ll only come in 3, or 4 days a week at the most. A lady at my job lives in Long island but works in Central NJ and only comes into the office Tues-Thurs.


I can relate, used to have an 1 1/2 commute for about 9 months. Bit I didn’t have to do it every day and that really helped.

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