(Closed) Need Advice on Sister in Law to be

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I understand your frustration, but think it’s important to take a step back.

Your Future Sister-In-Law didn’t get pregnant to spite you.  Heck, she may not have even been trying to conceive.  And while it’s tempting, given all the lead up and such, to feel possessive of the planning period, the fact is you get a day, not a year.  That may sound harsh, but it’s true. 

Remember, too, that it’s unlikely that the baby will actually steal your thunder in any meaningful way.  People can and, especially in large families, often do juggle lots of birthdays, anniversaries, homecominngs, graduations, weddings and funerals in the space of twelve months without scriming on emotional involvement.

I also don’t think you ought to push it with regards to going away.  Unless you’ve already booked nonrefundable tickets, the trip can be postponed, yes?  This is your FI’s (and your) first niece or nephew.  That’s kind of a big deal.  How would you feel if one of your siblings decided to skip your wedding because it conflicted with a vacation? 

Post # 5
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I totally understand being excited about the wedding planning and what not.

Are you close to Future Sister-In-Law at all?  If you are when she starts to show and you find out if it’s a boy or girl and all that, I’m sure you will start getting really excited for their arrival.

tea is right about getting one day. everyone i’m sure will still be involved in planning even though they are excited about the grandbaby. and on your wedding day, that’s YOUR day.  not even baby can take that away.

Post # 6
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My Maid/Matron of Honor is about due and announced it the day we got home from vacation when I could show off my new right.  Bummer 🙁  But over the past 9 months things have been fine.  It is the first baby in our “family” of friends so everyone is really excited.  I have my moments where its like, can’t we just focus on the wedding, but I am also very excited for her.  She event went so far to throw us a surprise engagmenet party the night after her baby shower.  It was a huge weekend for everyone!  A baby shower and an engagement party in 1 day.  It was totally fine.  The focus was on her at the shower, and was on me at the party. 

 

Post # 7
Member
4465 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’ll reiterate what Bees on here say all the time.  You get a day…not a week, a month, or a year.  I don’t think it’s fair to assume that Future Sister-In-Law should hold off having a baby for an entire year as to not steal the attention from your wedding. 

Plan your weekend away a little earlier or later, and be happy for Future Sister-In-Law.

Post # 8
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I understand your frustration. You need to look at the bigger picture. I agree that she didnt get pregnant in spite of you. She will not take your show away. Its a happy time for her and you. Switch your trip to a month after, I know I would want to be there if my sibling was having a baby. You should be a little bit more understanding. Everyone is going to be happy and you will be the queen at your wedding.

Post # 9
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with everyone else, but I wanted to add that I think you should go on your planned vacation. It’s very unlikely that the baby is actually born on the “due date.” 

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Give yourself some time to cool down. You know you are being irrational and yet you’re still hot from it all! Which means that when logic sets in and you cool down, you’ll realize you got all worked up for nothing.

Go out of town. See the baby if/when it comes when you get back.

I doubt his sister will want all those people around that very day she gives birth, anyways! It’s not like your Fiance is the grandparents or anyting…i say give them all some time before more people come rushing in, lol. It’s not like he can help her out anyways! But if she goes into labor you guys can send some nice flowers =]

Post # 11
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Its all personal preference though. If your Fiance wants to be there when his sisters baby is born, then Ide say switch your trip. If he can wait til you get back then keep it! For me personally there is no way I would plan a trip around the time my brother was having his first child. Ide def be there. But we are extremely close.

Post # 13
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My SIL is having Baby #2 1.5 months before my wedding, and I am kind of annoyed- but only because she has to have a C-section and will need time to recover AND they live clear across the country, so there is a chance that she might be able to come.  Is it ideal?  No.  Do I know how you feel?  A little.  I feel that they could have planned it better (believe me, this was definitely a PLANNED thing).

But you need to step back and take a deep breath and first of all- be happy for your SIL, because babies are wonderful and being an auntie is one of the most amazing things in the world.  And two- when you are feeling like you have calmed down a little about the situation, have a rational talk with your Fiance about your trip plans.  As aja0829 said, babies are rarely born on their “due date”; and I doubt your SIL wants her brother in the room when the baby is born, so I think you two should keep your travel plans and wait and see what happens.  The baby will still be there after you get back from your weekend away. 🙂 

Post # 14
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Regardless of whether or not she wants her brother in the room, Fiance may want to be around for the event because it’s important to him to meet his niece or nephew and welcome him or her to the family.  Some men are like that about babies, and it might be worth asking why it’s important to to Fiance that he be there when she actually gives birth.

Post # 15
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

OMG are you freaking kidding me?! It’s one thing to complain that your Future Sister-In-Law selected a wedding date one month before you when you got engaged first, but her baby?! 

Guess what… this may come as a shock, but the world does not revolve around you. 

I think you need to stop talking about this with your Fiance and especially with his family (if you are that is) about this.  The fact that you are trying to put yourself first when this has nothing to do with you is not good. 

As someone said above, you get a DAY.  Not a month, not a year.  You get a DAY.

Getting pregnant isn’t really all that much in her control the way setting a date is, so you can’t hold this against her and I would STRONGLY recommend you stop discussing this with your Fiance since it makes you look very petty and selfish, which I can’t imagine you want his family to think you are.

I know this may come across as harsh and I know its hard to control how you feel about things, but if you need to vent, don’t to it to your Fiance, do it to your mother, to us, etc.  This is the kind of thing that could really create a rift between you and your future in-laws and is it really worth it?? 

Post # 16
Member
1232 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

My sister is due one month after the wedding and asked us to schedule our honeymoon around her baby shower! I totally understand your frustration. I feel bad for talking and planning my wedding around her b/c she wants to plan her baby shower at the same time and it makes me feel guilty for not giving all my attention to her. I’m totally excited and happy for her, but I also understand that it’s your special time too and it sucks getting attention taken away from your wedding planning. Finally I just decided that she deserves just as much attention for her upcoming baby as I do for my wedding and I was just being a little selfish. I’ve sort of just learned to not let if affect me anymore.

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