(Closed) Need advice on soliciting donations

posted 4 years ago in Money
Post # 3
45546 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ecrowe1218:  I would delete the part that I have italicized.

We are forming our team in honor of our daughter, Jocelin Rae, who was born at 35 weeks. She was born 5 weeks too early with underdeveloped lungs. She was immediately taken to the neonatal intensive care unit so we didn’t have the opportunity to bond with her when she was born.  Fortunately for us, we only spent a week in the NICU but it felt like forever. We were warned that we would face some difficulties with developmental delays and possibly health concerns because she was a preemie. At 3 months of age, Jocelin became very sick. She spent 17 days at CHOP due to a respiratory virus. Jocelin was placed in a drug induced coma. She was intubated and hooked up to breathing machines because of her collapsed lung, had a chest tube due to fluid on the outside of her lung, had blood transfusions, and given several different medications. Due to the drug induced coma, we were told that she could face developmental delays up to a year. That was 8 years ago and over the years we faced several medical concerns and developmental delays like we were warned. Jocelin has had to have several dental procedures due to the medication she was given as a baby. She also suffers from allergies and asthma due to the issues with her lungs.

Add- She has faced several health challenges in her first eight years but we are so happy and grateful for the help she received at ______.
During my second pregnancy, I was again faced with preterm labor. Fortunately, the doctors were able to delay labor with medication and strict bed rest. Our second daughter, Layla, was born full term because of the progress that is being made with preventing premature births.
Hopefully that will help limit the letter to one page, which I think will encourage people to actually read it. I think it will increase your donations if you shorten the letter.

Post # 4
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I agree with shortening a bit, a lot of businesses owners won’t take the time to read the whole thing.  My FI runs a restaurant and they almost always make donations to these types of events so you should have a lot of positive responses from the business owners,  Good luck!

Post # 5
7274 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@julies1949:  Brilliant editing! 

Post # 6
45546 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ecrowe1218:  One other tip- approach businesses that don’t usually get asked for things. When I was in charge of a major fund raisning auction a few years ago, we asked for and obtained donations from top soil companies, tool rental places,  duct cleaning businesses etc.

There is a market for almost everything, and these companies will likely say yes as they are rarely approached.

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