(Closed) Need advice on telling the in-laws about being HIV positive

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 46
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1084 posts
Bumble bee

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SoonMrsCrocker2:   when babies are born with HIV it is because the mother gave birth vaginally (being unaware they have HIV) the baby comes in contact with her fluids and blood, while passing the  vagina . Thus, C-sections are the usually procedure for mothers with HIV.

Post # 47
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438 posts
Helper bee

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SoonMrsCrocker2:  “less than 1 percent” According to the Centers for Disease Control. 

Post # 48
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11377 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

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SoonMrsCrocker2:  According to the march of dimes with new treatment and precautions the chance of a HIV+ mother transmitting it to her baby is 2% or lower.

Post # 51
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1991 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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BookTea:  tx but it can happen during the pregnancy too from what I’ve read (I just googled haha) it says less than2% risk of infection during the pregnancy (ie 2 babies per 100 born)  if the mothers own blood viral load is low (they listed a number) and she is receiving antivirals.  

http://familydoctor.org/familydoctor/en/diseases-conditions/hiv-and-aids/treatment/pregnancy-and-hiv.html

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Sweet.Sugar.Rose:  
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silverandgold:  tx ladies.

Post # 52
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44 posts
Newbee

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eeniebeans:  yes yes and more yes! The stigma needs to end!

Post # 53
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271 posts
Helper bee

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hihothedairyo:  I think there’s a stigma because unlike cancer, HIV is contageous and people are terrified of contracting it.

Post # 54
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438 posts
Helper bee

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SoonMrsCrocker2:  Right. The OP said she’d be monitored, which I took to believe she is in treatment. Also, not to bash the March of Dimes, but the CDC is prob a better authority on such things, so their LESS than 1% chance is prob more accurate. 

Post # 55
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438 posts
Helper bee

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SoonMrsCrocker2:  Also to clarify what I meant, her viral loads are likely supressed enough, because that is the goal of treatment these days, and is easier to achieve than it would seem. 

Post # 56
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1084 posts
Bumble bee

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Katie-Didnt:  

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SoonMrsCrocker2:  

never heard of prenatal hiv: interesting. It’s sad but at least it’s a low percentage 

Post # 57
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953 posts
Busy bee

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Whiskers0:   of course there’s a stigma attached too it. 

What most people don’t realize with that stigma is it could be anyone.  

She’s 27. She’s had it for 9 years. OP I want to grab you and hug you. That must have been a horrible diagnosis at such a young age.  Then trying to only date fellow positives.  I am so glad your fi is educated enough to know the risks and understand the disease. 

Where I am it seems all my friends have hiv.  It has ran rampant through the gay community. I’ve watched my best friend and the turmoil he has gone through dating. Trying to stick to only positives, different strains, being rejected because of his status…just dating has been a nightmare for him. I can’t imagine it being basically from the time you started dating you had to deal with this. I’m sorry this happened to you. My heart truly goes out to you.

I know I already commented but I am so against the grain here on keeping it secret. I can only see the positive and the support you will get.  You and your husband need that support whatever it was you are afflicted with.  Now if his parents are ignorant people and unsupportive to begin with I wouldn’t bother. But I wouldn’t bother telling them if I stubbed my toe either.  You and your husband (or fi or whatever) think they will support you and that is important. Hiv doesn’t have to define you or your life,  but I’m sure it’s a hell of a lot easier when the special people around you can talk with you about it, be informed of what’s going on and be there to support you emotionally as well as physically if you ever needed it. 

Post # 58
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1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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j9210:  It saddens me that so many people immediately leapt to “don’t tell them.” they’re going to be part of your family. If you want to tell them, do! I think your plan is good. Start with your Fiance, and then, IF they’re ready right then, go in and you can answer questions as well. But they might need time to process, and you can come back another time for that part.

I assume you’re already trying to think of questions they might ask. If it was my child in a serious relationship with someone who was HIV+, my first question would be if my child was taking that drug which should keep them from contracting it (but they might not know that exists)

You could also start with him handing them a letter, to get out more information before they start asking questions.

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