(Closed) Need advice on whether I should decline to be a bridesmaid..

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

If you don’t get pregnanct right away will it still be an issue, if you are only a few months pregnant? If she was your Maid/Matron of Honor then I assume the two of you are very close and I wouldn’t miss my MOH’s wedding for anything. I would take to her about the scar and I’m sure she would be sympathetic and could find something that works for you.

Post # 4
Member
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Why not try and explain the situation to your friend and let her decide?  I don’t think living in another state would be an issue, but for the rest, if you could do it in a non-negative way and ask if if she’s cool with a pregnant bridesmaid and ask her how flexible she will be with dresses (she may not even care/want you guys to be in strapless dresses).  If it is something important to you (to the both of you, really), I think you can find a way to make it work!

Post # 5
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You guys are friends – talk to her!!  Explain that you’re freaking out a little because you don’t want to let her down.  You can ask what style of dress she’s thinking of because of your insecurities.  If she’ll keep that in mind or let you have a wrap, no big deal.  On the travelling – would you go to the wedding anyway?  I wouldn’t miss a really good friend’s wedding.  If you don’t think you’d go AT ALL you aren’t that close and shouldn’t be in her wedding.  If it’s a matter of you can’t afford to travel for a party, and a shower, and a week early for the wedding, that’s totally understandable, just make her aware of that and make sure she’s cool with working around it.

FWIW, my Maid/Matron of Honor lived thousands of miles away from me and just showed up a few days before the wedding to have her dress hemmed.  Worked out just fine – I didn’t need her to plan my wedding, just stand with me.  She was also 8wks pregnant!  (As long as you don’t act like she did about it, shouldn’t be an issue at all).

Post # 6
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Talk to your friend and get her opinion!

Post # 8
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I suspect she knows about your scar. I would just tell her you need to wear a wrap to cover it. Otherwise I think you should go, whether pregnant, bringing a newborn, or TTC. Make sure she isn’t planning a kids free wedding, and that she knows you are TTC.

Post # 9
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@MrsMcMahan:  I think that you should have a chat w. your friend about this. It’s good if you bring it up early.

If she’s not the bridezilla type then she will be understanding, and might even let you do your duties differently, or lighter duties. I guess the big thing will be the pregnancy and/or newborn but you don’t know if that’ll happen yet, but I’d definitely warn her that you’re TTC.

 

Post # 10
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sorry but what is the 12 hour drive for? I thought you said the wedding was where you live?

Post # 11
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well, if you’re pregnant you might be wearing a different dress than the other girls anyway, so perhaps it won’t be a big deal if you wear a wrap. Plus the fact that it will be in fall will make a wrap not seem out of place.

As far as her moving, this is to me the only real concern to me. Since she will be in a different state you might end up having to take on more responsibilty than you might otherwise since you’ll be in the location. Obviously if you are several months pregnant or have new born at the time of the wedding it could be potentially very stressful for you. I would just explain the potential situation and try to be clear about how much you will be able to do, and possibly you could help more in the earlier stages.

Post # 12
Member
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

She’s your friend. Talk with her and raise your concerns.

Post # 13
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee

Talk to her, she is abviously close enough of a friend to be in your wedding, and to want you to be in hers. Just make sure she wont have a problem with the preganc thing, and if you are as good friends as it seems, she wont care. And that wrap overing your arm would help cover your belly. Its not like your a teenager in trouble, pregnancy is a beautiful thing, and you could find a beautiful dress that coordinates with the rest.

Post # 14
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

Every wedding I was in that was out of state was under the impression that I wouldn’t be at the shower.  I arrived Friday night and left Sunday.  Friends understand.

Post # 15
Member
11355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

If you were farther along in this process, I would have voted for “You said yes; make it happen!”

However, since your friend just became engaged over the weekend, and you are already feeling stressed about these significant details, I would simply call her, tell her how much you would love to be a part of her big day, and that’s why you immediately said yes.  Then tell her that, unfortunately, now that you’ve had a day to think about all that this commitment would entail — to be a bridesmaid for a wedding in another state while you’re trying to expand your family — you’ve realized that this is not going to work for you. Tell her that you’re really sorry but you are going to have to decline.

I think it’s important for you to add that, as much as it upsets you to not be able to be there for your friend, it would upset you even more to continue to plan to be in her wedding and then have to withdraw at the last minute.

I think she’ll be disappointed, but I also think she will understand.

Post # 16
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

You are thinking only of yourself. What about her feelings? She was your Maid/Matron of Honor and in your wedding and did everything for you. The least you could do is be in her wedding for her special day.

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