(Closed) Need advice or just to vent

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

  1. He should invoice his parents for the work he did.
  2. That is a ridiculous amount of money to pay his brother. If he was hiring someone he didn’t know to do the same work, what would he be paying that person? If he were going to write an ad for Craigslist looking for help, how would he desribe the job and pay rate? That’s a good starting point for his brother.
  3. Is he still going to be running this company/working when he is in school?

Post # 4
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Sorry to hear about your situation.

First, I think that there is no harm for him to mention the paying him thing to his parents. If they paid the sitter, they should pay him. Obviously he should say it in a nice way and just mention that you guys are a bit strapped for cash.

Second, I do think that is a bit much for him to be paying his brother. Maybe once things pick up with his business he can start paying him more, but right now things aren’t the greatest.

Your Darling Husband brother should understand.

I hope all goes well for you! 


Post # 6
1553 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t think you are wrong or selfish.  You are just worried because of your current financial situation.

I love that your husband wants to help out his brother and be generous with him.  And I’m betting that if you two were financially stable with substantial savings and your husband’s business bringing in a steady income, you’d be fine with him paying his brother extra to help him out. 

But that isn’t the situation.  It doesn’t sound like you and your husband are in a position to be that generous.  Yes, it would be nice to do so, but to do so when you yourselves NEED that money would be foolish.  Kind, generous, loving, but foolish.

Fortunately, it doesn’t sound like the brother is asking for $38 per hour, nor does it sound like your husband has already offered that amount.  Maybe you could talk again to your husband, explaining to him that you would love to be able to help his brother by paying him extra and would be willing to do a bit extra (even $5 an hour extra would be $200 at the end of the week, which seems generous to me, especially given your situation).  Maybe the two of you can agree that in the future, you will be able to do something like that for his brother.  

Good luck with this.  I really get where you are coming from.  Taking care of others is a very noble thing, but your husband may need to be reminded that charity begins at home.

Post # 7
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Why on earth would ANYBODY quit a job before having stable work lined up??!?!!?!? That just baffles me. That’s a huge slap in the face to you. Maybe you should have a talk with him, remind him that he’s been out of work for 3+ months and that YOU, his wife, have been supporting him, feeding him, clothing him, etc. Just in case he may have forgotten…..

Post # 9
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

What was DH’s response when you told him that hourly wage was too much?

Also – re: the parents.  Just let it go.  I know it’s not right and it’s not fair, but I don’t think it’s worth it.  For whatever reason, they must have felt like Darling Husband didn’t really need the money (that’s my best guess) – maybe because he had you to fall back on and SIL doesn’t have anyone else???  (sometimes it’s crazy logic that makes no sense in the name of equity).


Post # 10
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Are you also working? You mentioned you were living off of your savings, but I don’t think you said whether or not you also had a job. I would also think that $38/hr is too much to give his brother UNLESS his brother is more of a partner than an employee. He should be paid adequate based on his experience and overall value to the job, if he is sharing some of the start up costs with your husband than maybe he is worth even more. If he does the same quality work as a rookie, however, and is easily replaced then I think $25 is more than fair. And I would definitely encourage my husband to decrease his salary, at least in the beginning while you get your finances in order.

Post # 13
1553 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Does your husband agree that this is a decision you should be making together?  Yes, it is his job, but you are a family now and his financial decisions impact you both.  I really feel you should have equal say and he should listen to your input because you are his wife and the two of you together are a team.

As for the brother, I suppose your husband could always tell him that he miscalculated and won’t be able to pay quite as much as he’d thought.  And he did miscalculate.  He didn’t take his wife’s opinion into account (hugh miscalculation right there) and it doesn’t sound like he is really taking into consideration the fact that though this may be a huge job, there is not only not another one lined up, but he has no idea when he will get another and so has no idea how long the money he makes from this one will have to last.  Just make sure he doesn’t say something like “BusyBee82 won’t let me pay you want we agreed.”

Post # 14
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

re: the brother – did Darling Husband ask what you thought of the $38?  or did he just offer the info up?

I’m also wondering what the going rate would be of hiring someone?  Does the fact that it’s his brother give him some sense of relief – meaning, he knows him, can trust him, knows his work ethic, etc?

Maybe something to mention to Darling Husband – is to start him out a little lower – say at $28 / hr and then give him raises from there on out.  

Perhaps Darling Husband has already discussed how much Brother-In-Law needs in order to move from his other job, etc… 

How did he even come up with the $38 figure? That seems like such a random number!

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