(Closed) Need advice re change in wedding plans

posted 13 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

If I’m understanding your post correctly, you’d like to have the reception be cocktail hour, simple dinner, and cake – cutting out dancing (and perhaps multiple courses at dinner or more expensive options?). You didn’t say whether you had already gotten the band/DJ.

So it sounds to me like you’ve already figured out what you want – and that it doesn’t actually require you to lose any deposits. Go for it!

PS – if your post was actually asking whether it’s okay to have a reception without dancing, then the answer is "YES!" I think your idea of playing jazz in the background would be great, and you don’t really need to have the garter toss, etc (even if you DO have dancing)… but to be fair – this is exactly what we did at our wedding. We had a jazz trio play through cocktail hour and dinner. Then everyone enjoyed dessert and left. We didn’t have dancing, bouquet toss, etc. Everyone had a good time just talking and eating 😉

Post # 4
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Do your reception the way you want. People just want to say hello and congratulate you. Lots of families aren’t the dancing type anyway. I think it sounds like a lovely reception.

Post # 5
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I agree with everyone above. I’m not having many of things that are typical in most wedding (including a bridal party) although I do love to dance. Just because it’s traditionally done, doesn’t mean that you have to do it. It will still be a lovely wedding. 

Post # 6
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Harbison Chapel & The Maple Lane Farm

I also agree with everyone.  If you want dinner and cake then go for it!  It sounds like you won’t lose out on any deposits.  Dancing doesn’t make the wedding, half of the folks at weddings don’t dance anyway, so if you want to cut that part out it’s completely fine!

Post # 7
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2022

Sounds like you know what you want, and it sounds like a lovely wedding to me. The best thing to do is to physically write down what deposits you might lose and how much money that would be. If you might lose a 20% deposit on your DJ, but you’re actually saving the additional 80% that you haven’t paid yet, it might be worthwhile. And it seems like you’re able to adjust most of your other reservations to fit your new idea, so you shouldn’t lose too much.

Post # 8
1652 posts
Bumble bee

Are you looking to keep the reception hall? Or is that one of the things you want to change to reduce costs?  I think you could do all the things you want without cancelling the hall.  If you do want to change ahlls, just do some amth to figure out if it’s saving you money  to go with a cheaper place after you subtract the amount you’ll lose for the deposit. 

It doesn’t sound like changing your plans at this point would be too hard.

Post # 9
10 posts
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think what you have described is perfect.  It is actually similar to what we are trying to plan. 

I am trying to plan a simple wedding, followed by a short cocktail hour and concluding with dinner.  Dinner to include a nice meal and drinks, with a simple cake.  I want us to have our first dance, but that is it.  I think we will try to have a cello (or something similar) at the ceremony and then follow us over to the reception. 

Any ideas on how to have a meal for 20-30 people that is reasonably priced?  It seems like when you mention wedding, then places have a minimum, charges, and sub-charges …  

I think you are on the right track.  No matter what, do what the two of you want.

Post # 10
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

OK I’m going to be honest with you. Unless I was your family or your best friend I would be expecting some music to dance to, a reception. I’m not trying to discourage you I’m just being honest like you asked. I would have to say if this is what you really want go for it just make sure you invite the most closest to you and that it is explained on the invitation that this is what you are doing. Then again if you were only inviting family and close friends then you would be able to tell them yourselves. What you want sounds very intimate and to the point, wonderful idea. 

Post # 11
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I say GO FOR IT!  I am also 32 and we have dated for 4/5 years.  We also plan to marry in September and for at least a few months I found myself influenced by all of the "traditional" things that I did not really want.  For example, I have a niece who would be the perfect age for a flower girl.  Before I know it, my sister suggested that her daughter be a part of the wedding.  Guess what?  I don’t want a flower girl.  I am not sure why, but I don’t.  I know that it isn’t that big a deal and I could easy say, well that would be fine, no big deal.  RIGHT?  WRONG.  I totally stopped wedding planning for a few weeks because I was at the point where I couldn’t tell if it was what I wanted anymore, or if it was what I was willing to do because "that is how it has always been done." 

I know that some people "expect" certain things because xyz.  However, I am now at the point where if I don’t want it – AND I MEAN REALLY WANT IT – it is not going to happen.  Period.  That being said, stop, think about what you want, and even if it means a little headache and heartache to change – change it.  I feel so much more free now and I swear, it is only because I started thinking about what I wanted the most wonderful day of my life to look like.  Give yourself permission to change your mind no matter how invested you feel in the choices that you have already made.   

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