(Closed) Need advice re: friend

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Have you guys talked about setting a wedding date?  I would suggest waiting until about 9-12 months before your wedding to officially ask anyone to be in the wedding party.  Maybe by then this situation will have blown over, and maybe not, but at least you’ll know what kind of a friend she will be.

Post # 5
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

I think your SO is right – if this is how she reacts to things not going her way, chances are the behavior would continue. I would avoid that kind of drama…not only for your own sanity but to salvage the relationship. There is only so much you will be able to take and it seems (well, based on the copious posts on the Bee that say so)…being a bridesmaid is what makes or breaks teetering friendships.

Post # 6
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Maybe she has something going on in her personal life, maybe she’s busy, maybe she’s jealous… you could try asking her to lunch or out for coffee or a cocktail.  Have a heart to heart with her.  See if there’s something else going on?  As for the wedding party- yeah I’d hold off on that!  Just let this blow over & it will all fall into place 🙂

Post # 8
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2002

I get that she should talk to you but honestly, I would be hurt if my best friend (obviously you are super close if you wanted to make her MOH) ditched my bday party for another. I wouldn’t assume she’s jealous of you just bc she’s upset. Perhaps there is more to this situation but I can understand why she’s really upset. Again, I think she should talk to you but maybe there are other reasons that lead her to cease communication with you.

Post # 9
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree with Mrs. Lotus.  I would be pretty upset for my bf to ditch my bday party for someone else’s.

Post # 11
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2002

@Pinknyy:  I do get that also. I’m sure you tried apologizing but maybe she needs more time? Hopefully she will come around. I’ve had this happen to me a few times…friends cut me off for things I’ve done that I didn’t mean to be hurtful about and no matter what I do to make it up or apologize…I get no response. I guess the good thing is….it happened now and not when she was your Maid/Matron of Honor.  

Post # 13
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2002

@Pinknyy:  I agree with that. It’s really frustrating. It’s happened to be more than I care to admit….one bc I was pregnant and couldn’t make her wedding out of state (I wasn’t even in the bridal party), another bc I said something unintentionally to offend her about a guy she dated (she later apologized but it took 10 years of us not being in touch bc of this), etc…  Crazy. I think that’s why I’m paranoid now about offending friends more than I should be.

I totally understand the need to vent. Darling Husband often tells me to talk to my best friend when he can’t hear the same vent over and over and over. Ha ha

Post # 14
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Mrs.Lotus:  I agree, she is probably offended that you thought another person’s birthday party was more important than hers – if you are close enough to her that you were planning on making her your Maid/Matron of Honor I think it would sting.  She may just need some time to cool off.  But if this was my friend I’d pick up the phone and call her, invite her out to lunch or dinner to celebrate her birthday (since you missed her party), and try to mend things in person.  I don’t think texts & emails are personal enough in this type of situation.

Post # 16
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Pinknyy:  Do you really want a friend who treats you this way?  I have had some friends like this in the past, and when they cut me off for reasons they won’t tell me, it’s hurtful.  Maybe she’s used to dealing with things differently, but I’m more like you.  I’d rather be confronted than spending time wondering what I did.  It’s just kind of immature on her part.

I wouldn’t plan on asking her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Just my two cents.

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