- 6 years ago
I really need advice as I feel super sad about things right now. Basically, Fiance and I met 6 years ago and his family was very accepting of me in the beginning and happy for us. But his parents are controlling and his mom in particular suddenly became against our relationship because she feared losing her son–which is really typical response in our culture by the way. Years passed and Fiance made it clear he would not leave me, despite his parents pressuring him to do so. After several years, they stopped trying and basically shut up. Last year, when Fiance and I started talking about getting engaged I insisted that our parents meet for sort of a truce (since my parents also had issues with how FI’s parents were reacting to our relationship). The meeting went ok but it was awkward. A few months after the meeting Fiance and I got engaged–that was last December. Since then, I haven’t seen his family (and to be honest I don’t care to). But I have called his mom on two separate occasions (to wish her a happy new year, and to give her my condolences for the loss of her sister). Both times the mother was very nice to me and seemed like she was calmer and more at peace with the whole relationship. But we never talked about the engagement.
Now the wedding is five months away, and there is still no acknowledgment from FI’s family. According to Fiance, his mom actually invited me over a few times but from my understanding Fiance thinks it’s best to keep contact minimal so as to avoid any drama before the wedding. I can understand that somewhat since in our culture things can go from great to horrible instantly–so I can see why he thinks too much interaction between me and my family as well as his family can cause issues. I also feel Fiance is traumatized by how his parents acted years ago and fears it will happen again in some other form (obviously it will be much more subtle since they know Fiance will fight them if they try to do anything else).
So here I am feeling so sorry for myself. Sometimes I just tell myself I deserve so much better than this situation–I deserve in laws who treat me like family and want to celebrate my marriage to their son. But instead I have future in laws who just act passively and fake and really don’t seem to care much at all about me. I also have an Fiance who seems to be stuck and doesn’t want to cause any problems. He would stand up for me in an instant if they said anything, but he has yet to try to get them to open up to me more, or to even have me come over to his family’s place.
Fiance said he thinks it would be best to have our families meet again 2 months before the wedding, so as to just keep things as drama free as possible. In the mean time, we are planning the wedding ourselves and paying for it ourselves (which is not a problem). His family is certainly aware of the wedding, but other than that they’re not a part of it.
Should I take initiative and call his mother and talk about guest list, invitations, etc? FI says he’ll ask her, but maybe I should? I know before when I called his mom, Fiance seemed almost relieved–like I took the stress off of him being in the middle. Or should I just trust that Fiance is right about things and let it go and just see what happens?
Either way, is it a bad thing that his family and I have no contact at the moment and should I do something to change that or tell Fiance to do so?