(Closed) Need advice, should groomsmen still be in wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@goldiecakes: I think me personally…I would tell Fiance I was not comfortable with someone who clearly had no concept of marriage being there to witness mine =x

I don’t know, that’s a very personal and tough decision.  It’s good your Fiance supports your choice, but you need to support his too. 

Post # 4
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@murmur:  THIS!

Post # 5
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@goldiecakes:

I don’t think it’s unreasonable. I mean, what we’re talking about is rather heinous, not just a mere annoyance.

That said, as a Flower Girl, I do get defensive about leaving my own personal touch on the wedding so it’s very important to me who my groomsmen are. It sounds like Flower Girl understands, so no big deal… should work out.

Post # 6
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

He has moved out

for me this is the deciding factor – he is at least being up front to his wife about his feelings.  sometimes friends make choices that sadden or disappoint us but that doesnt make them jack the ripper.  you cant expect all your friends to remain in happy loving marriages – i believe its the majority of marriages that fail these days and if he is that unhappy then i would hate a friend to live a false life, they deserve to be happy also

as your Fiance wants him there as his Groomsmen then i feel you need to stop taking his life choices so personally, a failed marriage is hard enough to deal with without being judged harshly by people that havent had the life experience yet to realize that sometimes people fail at being married

Post # 7
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@goldiecakes:    I think if your fiance is close to him and wants him there that you should bite your lip and deal with it.  Sometimes part of a partnership means you know things about other peoples lives because your guy tells you about things, but you can’t and shouldn’t always act on it.   Think about if you had a friend that was doing some similar things and your fiance did not want her in the wedding.  How would you feel or react?  You want to say that you would disapprove along with him,  but if she was a good friend you would be torn  – loving her unconditionally while still not approving of her actions.   Your wedding is soon, how much would NOT having him screw up your plans, balance etc.  Also, has he alread paid for a tux and things like that to where it would be upsetting to him emotionally and financially and cause a rift in the friendship? I lean toward if is your fiance’s friend  and he wants him there to let him have who he wants.

However it is your day too and if you think it  would cause issues for you then by all means do what you need to do.

It is a tough one, for sure  we can all bring up points you may or may not have thought of but in the end it is between you and your guy.

Post # 8
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

The purpose (IMO) for a person to stand up there with you is because they support both you and Fiance and the institute of marriage, and obviously he does not, so I would feel uncomfortable, and I would not want him up there with me,

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