Post # 1
I just found out the other day that one of my fiance’s groomsmen has been cheating on his wife with another woman. They have 2 very young children, and basically it’s a case of him not wanting to be a tied-down dad, he’s bored, and he wants to go out and act as if he’s single again. He says his wife doesn’t want him to go out with his friends to the bars, yet this is what he wants to do. They’ve been married for about 5 or 6 years, and he is already talking as if the marriage is probably over. He has moved out, and is trying to “sort out” what he’s going to do. To me, it doesn’t seem like he really wants to try to work things out with his wife; he wants the freedom of being single again, and have no responsibilities of a family. His behavior is selfish and disgusting to me. I can’t support him and definitely wouldn’t be able to be friendly to him at the wedding.
My fiance has told me that he still wants him a part of our wedding, but if I don’t, then we won’t have him. Right now, I am more on the side of asking him not to be in the wedding anymore. I wouldn’t care if he was a guest, but as far as a groomsmen, I just don’t think I want him up there. I know his wife, not well, but to me there is no excuse for cheating several times. You have the people in your wedding that you are closest too and that you respect as a friend, and I can’t say that I respect this guy at all right now.
Is it not my place to decide since it is a groomsmen? Am I completely out of line for possibly asking him to not be a part of the wedding party? Thanks for your input.
Post # 3
@goldiecakes: I think me personally…I would tell Fiance I was not comfortable with someone who clearly had no concept of marriage being there to witness mine =x
I don’t know, that’s a very personal and tough decision. It’s good your Fiance supports your choice, but you need to support his too.
Post # 5
I don’t think it’s unreasonable. I mean, what we’re talking about is rather heinous, not just a mere annoyance.
That said, as a Flower Girl, I do get defensive about leaving my own personal touch on the wedding so it’s very important to me who my groomsmen are. It sounds like Flower Girl understands, so no big deal… should work out.
Post # 6
He has moved out
for me this is the deciding factor – he is at least being up front to his wife about his feelings. sometimes friends make choices that sadden or disappoint us but that doesnt make them jack the ripper. you cant expect all your friends to remain in happy loving marriages – i believe its the majority of marriages that fail these days and if he is that unhappy then i would hate a friend to live a false life, they deserve to be happy also
as your Fiance wants him there as his Groomsmen then i feel you need to stop taking his life choices so personally, a failed marriage is hard enough to deal with without being judged harshly by people that havent had the life experience yet to realize that sometimes people fail at being married
Post # 7
@goldiecakes: I think if your fiance is close to him and wants him there that you should bite your lip and deal with it. Sometimes part of a partnership means you know things about other peoples lives because your guy tells you about things, but you can’t and shouldn’t always act on it. Think about if you had a friend that was doing some similar things and your fiance did not want her in the wedding. How would you feel or react? You want to say that you would disapprove along with him, but if she was a good friend you would be torn – loving her unconditionally while still not approving of her actions. Your wedding is soon, how much would NOT having him screw up your plans, balance etc. Also, has he alread paid for a tux and things like that to where it would be upsetting to him emotionally and financially and cause a rift in the friendship? I lean toward if is your fiance’s friend and he wants him there to let him have who he wants.
However it is your day too and if you think it would cause issues for you then by all means do what you need to do.
It is a tough one, for sure we can all bring up points you may or may not have thought of but in the end it is between you and your guy.
Post # 8
The purpose (IMO) for a person to stand up there with you is because they support both you and Fiance and the institute of marriage, and obviously he does not, so I would feel uncomfortable, and I would not want him up there with me,
Post # 9
thanks everyone for the advice. He hasn’t bought any attire for the wedding yet so that wouldn’t be an issue. I’m starting to think and agree with the input about letting my fiance decide, since it is his groomsmen. You’re right, it would be tough for me to kick a bridesmaid out if my fiance found out something about her. I’ll think about it for a day or two since I guess we do have to decide soon! thank you!