(Closed) Need advice: Should I force DH to make up with his mother?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Just_Squeeze: My advice is this. Promote minimal contact. What I mean by minimal contact is cards on holidays and birthdays and MAYBE a phone call ONCE a week to catch up. In my opinion any woman who doesn’t call her child on their birthday purposely really doesn’t deserve any more than that.

Post # 3
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Why would you invite misery back into your happy home?  If you two are happy, healthy, and loving to each other …. let the drama go.

Post # 5
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I feel ya. FH hardly talks to his parents and its really for the better but a part of me feels like I should encourage him to have a better relationship with them. I am so close to my parents that I feel like he is missing out. Its sick and twisted but I can’t help but want them to be close even though they are evil people.

As a good wife I would just try to listen, thats the only advice I can offer 🙁

Post # 6
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

It isn’t about being a good wife, and it isn’t about who should approach who.  It is about this: do you want this person, as they are- in your lives?

Post # 7
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Absolutely not!  If he WANTS to make up with her, don’t stand in the way, and if he asks for your advice, tell him what you honestly think – but don’t pressure him, and don’t tell him what to do.  It sounds like he’s gotten enough of that in his life from his mother!  Just be a supporting actor in this particular drama.

Post # 7
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Just_Squeeze: Listen, we had kind of a similar situation. How long have they been in this battle? If it has been months and months I might send a card. Nothing mushy (what he writes or what’s actually said by the card itself) just…happy birthday, signed X.

But I would only say that if he is truly heartbroken. If he is not, then I would wait until he works things out in his mind.

Post # 10
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Don’t force him to do anything!!!! If he wants to contact her, then he can. You know my situation, and I leave it totally up to my husband on what he wants to do.

Post # 11
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Just_Squeeze: Ugh. Then I would say hell no. There was no excuse for her if it’s only been a month.

Post # 13
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Just_Squeeze:  Well, I think it is normal that it bothers him.  Give him honesty on your input, but I would concentrate most on doing what is best for your new family- you and him.  If you two feel dedicated to work it out, maybe family counseling with her?  Other than that, I think it is good to accept that they/ she won’t change.  Even with counseling…  But that is what I would suggest if you want to find some common ground, it may help to have an outsider/ professional perspective. 

Post # 14
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I definitely wouldn’t force him into it. But I would probably support it, if I knew it was on his mind alot. Also, I would probably do as a PP said, and send a birthday card, kind of as a peace offering, also, to be the ” better” person. But you know me, kill em with kindness.

Also, I really believe love can heal most wounds. Whatever her issue is, I still don’t get it, I would certainly hope the love her and your husband share for eachother can overcome this mess.

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