Post # 1
If it were up to me, I would have been married closer to 21 and had kids by the time I was 26. Obviously things just didn’t end up turning out that way. 🙂
I’ve told my husband many times throughout our 4 year relationship that I want to have 2 children (actually born, not pregnant with) before I am 30. We are both 25 and are recently married 2 months ago.
Our original plan, which my Darling Husband pretty much outlined himself lol, is that we would start TTC when we’re 27.
The thing is… I want to start around a year from now, when we’re 26 (if it were really up to me, we’d start now but y’know lol). That way we get our year of being a married couple and then start TTC. I’m really eager to start our family and my goal of having it complete by 30 is very important to me. I think my husband doesn’t realize that it may take months and months to even get pregnant and then it takes 9 more months still to have a baby lol, and so there is a really good chance, unless we’re lucky, that we will not have both babies before we’re 30 if we start at 27.
There is a good reason my Darling Husband would like to start later than sooner. We currently own a home that we would like to pay off completely by the time we’re 28 so that we can move to a bigger home and keep the current one as an investment property. The home we have now would be tight for a 4 person family. We’re well off financially and we could afford to buy the next house before this one is paid off, but obviously that is something my Darling Husband would rather not do. I agree that it would be a better financial move to wait before moving. Otherwise, I think my Darling Husband would love to be a father soon, but the house situation is making him want to wait.
I think there may be a way to have young children in our current home so we can continue living here until its paid off, but I think it would definitely be tight. (we basically live in a 900 sqft 2 bedroom apartment because we rent out the basement. We have a nice sized living room and kitchen and 2 bedrooms around the same size. One of the bedrooms is currently an office/computer room full of stuff.)
Somethings gotta give lol! 🙂 Any advice? Really general… I just want to hear what the Bees think of our situation and if they have any ideas!
Post # 3
I think we often put irrational pressure on ourselves to be “done” with something by a certain age. I was certainly guilty of it and, to some degree, still am. However, really, what is one more year if it means that your children will get to grow up in a continual enviornment or you’ll have the house you want.
If you’ve got the TTC bug, there are plenty of books to read about what to do BEFORE TTC and your doctor will be give you a regime if you are planning on starting soon (read: next couple of years).
Post # 4
you mention that your current home would be a tight squeeze for a 4 person family, but what about a 3 person family? couldn’t you start ttc and hopefully have a baby sooner, and then move?
Post # 5
We were kindaof the same way… I wanted to start earlier than my husband. As far as financially I reassured my husband we make more than most, and those that make less than us are still able to raise great kids. As far as realistic schedule for TTC I got some books and had my husband read them so he knows the volume of people that have issues and it is not something we have complete control over. After that I told him I am ready, and just let me know when you are…. We started 1 month later!
Post # 6
I hate to say it but i think unless you had outside factors like age or health issues pushing ttc up a year when you and your hubby agreed on a time frame would be unfair to him. Children can;t always be planned to a T. So if i were you i would stick to your guns, get things in order as you promised and then when that deadline comes proceed from there.
Post # 7
We are going through something similar. I’m 25 & he’s 26. Couldn’t have children earlier b/c I”m in law school and he was in masters and oh the whole had to meet, date, and get engaged and married thing! We have a heart condition that runs in our family and it’s very important because of this that we have both children born before I’m 30. With the heart condition any woman in my family 30 or over have died during childbirth or their child died. Yeah, it’s also happened now during the times of modern technology as recent as 5yrs ago. So, even though my EKG was beautiful, I’m still nervous and want to push it up to next year rather than 27 b/c I’m worried about what if it takes a while. However, I have faith it’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen and don’t want to rush Darling Husband if he’s not married and really want to just enjoy this time being married first. In the meantime, live vicariously through all these fab pregnant bees on the hive. It sounds like your Darling Husband is just not ready at this time.
Post # 8
Is there a specific reason why you want to have all of your children before the age of 30? You mentioned that it is very important to you but didn’t say if there is a reason behind that other than you want to. If there is a biological reason, such as lawgirl mentioned above, that is definitely something to discuss with your husband; however, if it’s just because you always wanted to be a mom by 30, I don’t know that that outweighs the plans you and your Darling Husband have put in place. It sounds as though the plans you’ve created are well thought out and practical, with the intent of setting up the best life possible for you and your family in the future.
I understand the excitement of TTC and the thought of being a mom, but I don’t think waiting until your agreed upon timeline of 27 will be a huge issue and massively impact the rest of your life. I understand there is this mindset that 30 is a milestone age and everything goes downhill after that – other than life getting better, I can promise you that turning 30 changes nothing. Risks for complications during pregnancy and/or genetic abnormalities with babies do not skyrocket the minute you hit your 30th birthday – especially if it is not your first child. I’m currently 32 and 29 weeks pregnant – I have had the easiest pregnancy known to man and feel great – much better than many of my friends who had kids in their 20s ever felt. I’m not sure if that’s part of your reasoning, but I’m just saying that age is just a number – you don’t need to look at 30 as this benchmark by which you MUST have achieved your family making goals.
In short, I think you and your Darling Husband have a great plan for moving forward. I honestly wouldn’t push the issue unless there was a valid reason for moving up TTC and overriding the financially responsible plans you’ve already set. If you’re worried about things taking a while, start tracking your cycle now, take vitamins, and make sure that you’ve ovulating on a monthly basis (read Taking Charge of Your Fertility if you really want to know everything about how your body works!) Set up a pre-conception check up with your doctor just to make sure there aren’t any issues/immunisations etc that you need before starting. Other than that, go out and enjoy your first two years of marriage as a young couple in love with the world at your fingertips – once kids come along, your entire lifestyle will change, so enjoy this time while you have it! 🙂
Post # 9
I would not sweat it. I would wait. Sounds like you/ hubby has a good plan in place. It is so much stress having kids, I would wait until you both are 100million% ready.
Post # 10
I wouldn’t stress it now. Your hubby might change his mind in a year and want to TTC then. My husband and I had a plan too that went out the window. Enjoy being a newlywed until he’s ready!
Post # 11
@finnaroo: Exactly what I was thinking! Three people wouldn’t be such a tight fit, would it? Especially a newborn which doesn’t require a large room. You could still pay it off by 28 (while possibly TTC for baby 2) and then around 28/29 be preggo with baby 2 in your NEW home.
I’m not sure what your reasons are for the 30 or the moving it up a year, but I know for me I’d at least discuss it! I have major fertility issues so we’re a bit laissez-faire with our birth control anyway now that we are married even though we don’t want to actively pursue kids for a year or 2. What about moving it up 6 months? That’s a decent compromise I think since I think you both have valid points. You are right that it takes many couples a lot longer than “planned” to achieve pregnancy.
Post # 12
It takes the average couple 6-12 months of “actively trying” to conceive their first child. This means 6-12 months of temping, tracking ovulation, only “doing the deed” on specific days, etc., and doctors don’t begin to think there is a problem until you have been doing this for over 12 months. If your just “flying by the seat of your pants” and not temping or tracking, just doing the deed without any form of birth control, they say it coudl take much longer. I guess the reason I am saying this is that yes, some women go off hormonal birth control and get pregnant the next month, some women go off hormonal birth control and get pregnant years later, and according to doctors, that doesn’t mean there is a problem. If I were you and I wanted to plan a pregnancy at an exact time (which can’t be done but there are ways to maximize your chances), I would go off all hormonal birth control right now, since that is the number 1 cause of latent conception (most woman that have been on birth control take an average of 6 months to get their bodies back on track, and then your 6-12 month average wait starts), and just use condoms. Also, start taking prenatal vitamins 3-6 months before you start trying to conceive to ensure your body is primed for conception (the vitamins and minerals in prenatal vitamins keep your uterus in great shape which is beneficial when you want a little egg to attach!). It’s up to you whether you want to start right away or wait, but I am just saying that as an experienced person in the “baby making business” with a number of friends having trouble conceiving, I would suggest doing all you can do to ensure that when you are ready to try, your body is also ready, because it doesn’t always happen when you want it to, more times than not, your waiting for months and months, if not years, for it to happen.
Post # 13
I am 27 and my Darling Husband is 25. We got married in December 2011. We did not “plan” to have a baby for a couple years but I have PCOS and my doctor told my that it might take time to concieve. I know so many women struggling with fertility and it really scared me. We decided that if it happened, we would make it work and we should just NTNT. I got off BCP the day after our wedding. Well we got lucky and conceived the first month trying! Yes it was earlier than we had planned, but we have gotten our finances in order and are in the process of purchasing a home. It definitely is a ton of change at once and feels overwhelming some times, but we are really happy and I would not change a thing. If it is meant to happen you can always figure it out. Good luck!! 🙂