- Mrs. Alias
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2009
I need some advice to help deal with my sister, let’s call her Jane. Jane is 2 years older than me (32) and we have two older siblings from our Dad’s first marriage. To say that Jane has severe issues with sibling rivalry is an understatement. She is constantly comparing everything my parents give to me and our other siblings and even gets mad if she feels like my parents are spending more time with me for any reason. She’s even accused me of getting money and gifts from my parents that I never actually received or even asked for.
She gets herself so worked up about this that it has been negatively affecting our relationship our whole lives. She has always spoken down to me and basically writes off any accomplishment I make (she’s never congratulated me for ANYTHING) as being a direct result of my parents support, which I didn’t deserve according to her. When I got engaged and started planning my wedding, she was so angry that I was looking at hotel venues (because she thought they were very expensive) that she actually boycotted my engagement party. She was married at a beautiful museum.
I will admit that being the youngest of 4, things have come pretty easy to me my whole life. Anyone who is the youngest can usually relate to this. My older siblings forged the path so I didn’t have to fight as hard for things like curfue, allowance, etc. And for whatever reason, my parents do tend to spend the most money on me, however, I don’t ask them to or expect it. And most of the time I don’t even realize it since I’ve never been focused on this issue of who is getting what.
I’ve been able to kind of shrug off her craziness for years because I just want to be close with her and have a good relationship. But recently I spoke to our cousin who admitted that Jane has been badmouthing me for months and it was sort of the last straw. Jane has been telling her personal information about my finances (things she found out by snooping and is totally private info I haven’t shared with anyone but my husband) and basically painting a picture of me as a spoiled brat who demands everything while she gets nothing. My cousin even told me that Jane went as far as to call a bridal store and pretend to be a customer interested in my wedding gown to find out how much it cost back when I was engaged.
You would think Jane and I aren’t close, but we actually talk every day. She is open about how she feels things are unfair, but she saves most of the complaining for other people to hear behind my back. I feel a little betrayed and violated, especially after finding out some of the things she’s been saying about me. I am supposed to drive to her house (3 hours away) this weekend and next for events she is hosting and my absence would cause a huge rift between us.
How do you think I should handle this? Talking to her never seems to work because she WILL NOT be reasoned with and we are too far to do any kind of counseling, plus I don’t have the money for that anyway. I would hate to lose her, but I don’t know if I can shrug this off anymore..