(Closed) Need advice: stay in law school or move overseas with Air Force husband?

posted 8 years ago in Military
  • poll: Should I stay in law school and continue LDR for 2 more years, or move to Okinawa?
    Stay in law school : (55 votes)
    74 %
    Move to Okinawa : (19 votes)
    26 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    134 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    It sounds like you already have your mind up, you want to move to japan. However, you have to realize that there is a very great chance that you won’t return to law school. Especially if you have kids. If you are okay in your heart knowing you may never graduate, then move. But, if you feel like you will always regret it then don’t, because you will always blame your husband somewhat.

    Post # 4
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Well, i’d probably stay in law school and finish since he plans on coming home anyways. Once he’s in the U.S. it’ll be so much easier!!! But that’s probably easy for me to say because I finished college in another state than my husband and while he was deployed. I think it was the BEST thing I could’ve done for myself. Countdown to the 2 years! Giving up every single thing I want in life to live with my husband would not be satisfying. I love him, but I could not give up everything I wanted for him. You won’t be working in Japan–will you go crazy all day? I certainly would. Chances are he will meet other officers in Japan. The military does a good job of having people to hang out with. Socials, things to do, bbqs, etc. An officer buddy of mine spent 2 years in Korea while his wife stayed here and he met people!

    Chances are, if you take a break from law school, you won’t go back. You HAVE to be ok with that or you’ll resent your husband–not to mention you’ll owe all that money for school and you’ll have no degree to show for it. But if you stick it out, you may feel like “boy this sucks now, but it’ll soooo be worth it”. Darling Husband and I were even living apart after we were married. I wasn’t that bothered by it…it was what I saw as the best, most logical option and i KNEW it wasn’t forever. That kept me plugging along. As a military wife, you will not have a “normal” life, really. You have to be ok with that lifestyle or suck it up for a few years. I, personally, was NOT ok with the lifestyle and was happier having my own life and allowing my husband to supplement it, not my husband becoming my life. That is what will happen if you drop everything and move to Japan–but you have to be okay with leaving behind your own dreams and desires.  I spent 8 weeks in Savannah living with Darling Husband and i felt like a puppy waiting for him to get home. i was so bored, all i did was cook and clean. I hated it so much I vowed never again! I felt i was too ambitious to be living that lifestyle at the age I was at.

    Anyways, think long and hard. Or tell yourself in a year you’ll reevaluate.

    Post # 5
    Member
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Realize that if you leave you probably canNOT just take a leave of absence, you will have to start over. It isn’t like undergrad where you can leave for 10 years and come back. Unless you’re only going to be gone 1-2 years max, i would be extremely surprised if they let you pick back up where you left off. 

    So really the decision is stay apart for 2 years or delay your legal career by 6 years (5 years + the year you will lose). 

    If I were you, i’d go to japan. Husband > job. Any job. But then again, I am a lawyer and I dont love it so i guess i’m biased 🙂 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2475 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Well, I wouldn’t recommend law school to anyone at this point anyway.  There are too many lawyers and not enough jobs. 

    However, if getting a JD is really important to you, you should know that if you leave after your first year, it will be really difficult for you to get back in not only to your current school, but also any other law school.  An interruption in your law studies is a huge red flag for any law school.  I would talk to your school about it, but I don’t think you will automatically be allowed back in to finish your degree. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    4480 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

    Talk to the Dean of Students (or whoever that is at your school) and make sure you make the decision at least knowing all of the options. I never looked into at law school, but in a different graduate program I was in you had five years to finish (it was a 1-2 year program), or you’d have to start over. A leave of absence for the amount of time you’re talking about might not be possible. And if it’s not, would you still want to leave law school?

    I hated law school but could never find a good enough reason to leave. I don’t think I would in your situation, either. If you ever want to be a lawyer, probably best to finish it now.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1820 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I am also a lawyer and something that scared me to death was this:  you reach a certain point in your law school life (I think it is 3/4 of the way through your 1L) that you cannot afford to quit.  There is a point, if you are taking out loans, where you owe more than you could make if you left.

    If you aren’t borrowing money for law school, I don’t know what to say.  I am not a military wife and I hated law school, so I am not in a position to give you any advice other than to go with your heart. (Oh, and I am jealous that you will be debt-free…)

    If you are borrowing the cash, you really have to think about the investment you have already made and how much it is worth to you to quit.

    Post # 11
    Member
    671 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    How old are you?  How important is your career?  What kind of law do you want to practice?  How important is having a family?  How important is your relationship with your husband?  These are the questions that I would first ask myself if I were in your shoes.  I have had a lot of wake up calls in the past 6 mos (two YOUNG friends diagnosed with cancer and one friend’s YOUNG father die unexpecantly) and so if I had read this post last year, I would have advised you to go for law school.  BUT, I have new outlook on thigs right now.  LIFE IS SHORT.  If being with your husband and starting a family are what is important to you right now, then do it.  Don’t wait another day.  Personally, I have working really hard on my career with a Fortune 5 company over the past 10 years and recently been told my job is being eliminated.  It has been a wake up call to say the least.  All of the personal sacrifices I have made for my job… travel, weekends, etc. aren’t worth anything right now.  A good resume, sure, but what else?  I understand you’re in a really good law school and if you were to leave, I’m sure some of your friends/family would look at you like you have 3 heads.  But do those people have the right priorities??  Will it really be a big deal if you ended up finishing up at a law school of a state university somewhere?  Would you really be any less of a lawyer?  Or would it really embarrass you to hang that diploma in your office??  

    It’s pretty obvious what I think you should do but then I may be older and seeing things through a different lens.  I do understand that a lot of miliarty couples do survive the distance and the deployments and I completely applaud them and thank them all for their service to this country when it means so many personal sacrifices for their families.  But your distance/separatation isn’t due to a deployment, right?  How many military wives would LOVE to have the opportunity to be with their husbands in another country instead of separated from them?!

    Good luck with your decision – it is a hard one and I don’t envy you.  And a big thanks to your husband for his service to our great country!                       

    Post # 12
    Member
    185 posts
    Blushing bee

    This is a tough decision but partly becuase there are so many unknown facts.  I agree with the pp that you should talk to someone (e.g. dean of students) and see what your options are based on your situation.  Are you 100% set on being a lawyer?  If not, I’d say leave and start your life as a military wife with your husband.  Teaching lends itself to moving around a lot more than law does.  Once he moves back to the states, is he done with the military completely?  (I don’t know much about military life…)  If not, it will be really difficult for you to move around with legal jobs.  You might have to take multiple bar exams (this in and of itself will be expensive), have trouble finding work, etc.  I too am an attorney (like many of the pp), and I love my job, but I consider myself EXTREMELY lucky to have found a practice area and co-workers than I absolutely love.  This is rare as far as young lawyers go, I think. 

    Also, if you plan to have a child in the next 5 years before you might go back to law school – do you think you’ll really want to go back to law school and then become a lawyer?  Not sure what type of law you want to go into, but even though I love my job, I understand that this is not the type of weekly schedule (meaning # of hours worked, uncertainty of work schedule, etc) that I will want when I’m a parent. 

    So… I voted for move to Japan.  Because you only get one chance at life, and if you aren’t dead set on being an attorney, two years in law school apart from your husband will be miserable.  Especially in this tight legal market where you really have to know where you are going to try to practice (if you want to go to a firm) in time for on campus interviews this upcoming fall.  It doesn’t sound like your situation will lend itself to knowing that.  Plus, it sounds like you really enjoyed teaching.  Your family’s happiness that you got into a good school will not keep you warm at night like your hubby will… just sayin’ 🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    1892 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I am not a military wife, nor am I a law student, so you can take this how you want, but I personally could never live away from my husband like that.

    I would move to Japan, no questions asked. Being with my husband and starting a family would be more important to me than finishing law school which may not work out anyway. You may finish law school and not find a job (hopefully you would!) and have lost the first two years of your marriage with your wonderful husband. You can always go back to school, but you can never get those first married moments back.

    You said you have a masters in education and you miss it? Why not do that? Is there anyway you could teach in Japan? Living in Japan is something the average person doesn’t get to do…have you thought about it like that?

    I also think that this is the sort of thing that only you can decided and that CAN NOT be put to a WeddingBee vote! I know how much I love WB, but you have to fallow your heart on this one and not a community of strangers. Best of luck!!

    Post # 15
    Member
    1556 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    @CorgiTales: Lol, I sadly have to agree with you.  Husband > Job.  I’m wondering if any of the Bees encouraging her to finish law school are actually lawyers.  I feel like saying to jlaprade, “Get out while you still can!”

    Seriously, a law degree isn’t all it is cracked up to be.  Had I been in your position during law school, I’d probably have sucked it up and finished.  Now with hindsight (I’ve been a lawyer for five years), I’d have ditched law school, no question.   But of course, had I known now what I know then, I’d not have gone at all….so my opinion is probably not worth all that much!

    Post # 16
    Member
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    You should finish what you are doing.  I think you should stay in school.  The time will pass quickly and you will have the satisfaction of finishing what you started.  You will be able to feel good about your accomplishments and have a sense of identity.  Dear person, stay in school. 

    I don’t know everything about your situation, but I do know how it feels to not hold out, and to go with your feelings in the moment, and later regret it.

    The topic ‘Need advice: stay in law school or move overseas with Air Force husband?’ is closed to new replies.

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